🪹PROCLIVITIES – SNAKE’S SKIN 🪹

Proclivities or Sanskaras – a very important word.

How they originate?

How they grow? How they get deep?

And,

How to change them?

A chain of inter woven thoughts.

Today I had an early morning dream that woke me from sleep. So I settled for contemplative meditation. My style is easy. I sit in my cozy bed, do some churning of thoughts and then try to collect the final product in words.😊

The dream had taken me to my past. I used to be a possessive wife. Infact I had invested all my emotions in ONE relation only (husband-wife). This was perhaps due to my proclivity of being too emotional.  Else due to the environment around me – I am not too clear on this.

“I was Emotional” – this  made me think deeper. Why I was what I was???

“Emotions” was a word of foreign language to my family where I was born and stayed till 23. The low middle class, less educated, closed minds, type of social structure. No one understood any one. Two times meal for the six hungry stomachs being the only activity at home – for father to earn it and for mother to cook it. 😊 So, although my belly was mostly full but heart was quite deserted. Infact, with passage of time, some small and big cactus’s had got the desert covered. Sight of any greenery or a small bud somewhere was rare.

My tiny mind and heart were mostly witness to family quarrels and stories of insensitivity of relatives (as told by my mother). Money was always always scarce, less resources more needs. And my  presence in family was of not much significance. You are born means you are born.  That’s it. Now keep breathing and go on living, just casually.  Everything RAM BHAROSE.  No individual guidance from anyone. Whatever I became was just what my mind and heart absorbed from surroundings and schooling/vocation study.

With such a mental kingdom, I had entered into wedlock, presuming that,  this ONE person would make the desert green. That, this ONE person would bring in all happiness, joy, and peace that my dry heart might have been yearning for in her those youthful days. 

Now, at a ripe age of 56, after gulping in every tiny and big taste, and licking all sweet, sour or bitter tastes  till its  last drop, today I also, more or less, echo the same sentiments as of Mulla Nassirrudin 😀😀😀😀. I know, its unfair to always criticise married life. Yet.. 😀😀😀😀😀😀. 

On a serious note, my dear friends, we all are a product of many things coming together. Saying so bravely that, “Man, you are the maker of your own destiny “, looks appealing only through a spiritual goggle. A goggle I love to wear more often now.  But see, dreams come at night and we put aside our goggles before sleeping. So, my dream  took me to an unchartered territory where I was not with spiritual goggles on.

In today’s dream I saw some dreamy replica of actual painful events of my emotional breakage during those early months and years as a possessive wife.

My contemplation says – “change” is a very slow process. It remains somewhat un-noticed on day to day basis.  Its only after a dream awakens you, that you understand that yes, CHANGE has actually taken place.  All your experiences and absorptions have changed you.

And, thankfully, this change is for better. Those spiritual goggles did the wonder. 🥰🥰🥰 Lets keep them always on.❤❤❤