28 – In Sickness and In Health (i)

Please note: This is Ep.28

Please go here for Ep.27

Or here to begin at Episode 1

(As everything I write is true, names have been changed to protect identities.) 

28

In Sickness and in Health (i)

The following happened in this order as I remember it, but I’ve taken some creative license with the timeline and dates to write it in a present-day format. I obviously don’t remember the actual dates.

1999

April 12th: I feel pain all the time. It’s an ache all over my lower abdomen. It’s worse whenever I try to go to the toilet. Maybe it wasn’t a clean miscarriage like they said it was? They did a scan though. They said I didn’t need a D and C.

May 6th: The pain persists.

May 15th: The first set of doctors my in-laws take me to, they’re family friends, an elderly, retired Indian couple, who are very sweet. They’ve given me antibiotics and a fibre supplement in case it’s an infection or indigestion.

May 26th: No improvement, so my mother-in-law takes me to a ‘spiritual healer’. He lives near my primary school. An Indian man, a Gujarati just like us. His ‘clinic’ is a wooden shed behind his house. My mother-in-law waits outside.

He has a futon and cushions on the floor. He lays me down on the futon and checks my abdomen and pelvis. He says my cervix has collapsed and that he has to put it back into place. He explains that there are elastic-type fibres in my groin that have to be lifted and my cervix will pop back into place.

I’m in my underwear and he’s on his knees and is vigorously rubbing my groin in an upward direction on both sides with his thumbs. He’s heaving and grunting, making odd glottal sounds that he justifies by saying that pushing my cervix back into place is hard work. It requires a lot of energy.

He then periodically pats me between my legs and asks me how I’m doing.

I lay there frozen. I don’t know how to react. My mother-in-law has brought me here. She trusts this man. This must be legit, right? He’s an authority figure, a doctor of sorts, no? So I’m supposed to trust what he’s doing.

We pay him and leave. I’m quiet. I feel violated, but I’m not sure how. I keep my mouth shut. Have I just been molested?  

June 1st: Still no relief. Thankfully we have private health insurance. My GP’s given me a referral. I’m at the doctor’s office for a consultation with my husband now. I notice the surgeon’s hands. They are very large.

June 4th: Wasn’t the nurse talking to me just moments ago? But why am I now moaning in pain and shivering? I feel so cold and thirsty. Everything hurts and there’s an awful taste in my mouth. I think I might be sick. I try and tell someone but my words come out garbled. All I can manage to verbalise like a frustrated drunkard is ‘Pain. Pain. I feel sick.’

I can feel myself being rolled over onto my side. They give me an injection of something in my thigh and cover me with another blanket. I relax and fall asleep again.

June 5th: Hubby gave me the best present ever at the hospital when I woke up. It’s a cuddly toy of Tigger from Winne the Pooh. Jai and I watch Winne the Pooh together and Tigger is our favouritetetest! I love how he’s bouncing around all the time. He’s so happy and full of energy. Hugging him and singing the Tigger song makes me feel better. I might be a mother, but I’m still a teenager for one more year, and a big kid at heart.

June 8th: I’ve been home for a few days now. I still can’t stand up straight as my tummy is taught. Pain shoots up into my shoulders. The doc said it’s because of the gas they pumped in through my belly button to make my tummy like an inflated balloon so they could pierce it. It’s how they put the instruments in – a camera and a cutting/burning thing. The gas has to go somewhere, he said, and until it fully disperses, the only way is up.

June 20th: At the check-up, he said I should be better now. He’d drilled holes in my ovaries as there were lots of cysts. He said it was something called polycystic ovaries. Oh, and he’d removed my appendix too as he said it was stuck like glue to my insides by something called pelvic adhesions.

July 6th: My husband has to go on a business trip to Florida for a couple of weeks. The doc says I can travel so hubby takes me with him. It’s the first time I’ve left Jai and travelled. I miss him so much.

I drink a lot of strawberry daiquiris and frozen margaritas. It takes the edge off the pain and I don’t think about that healer guy or any of the dark childhood memories that plague me sometimes. I’m learning to live with it. The booze really helps. I have a great time in all the Disney World parks. I can’t wait to bring Jai here when he’s old enough.

July 18th: We’re home and Jai’s face is a delight to see. He was so happy to see us. He looks so big. He’s grown so much in those two weeks. Dadi took good care of him. 

July 19th: No more wine and cocktails every day to numb the pain…

Please go here to continue to Ep. 29