32 – Slip Slip Stroke

Please note: This is Ep.32

Please go here for Ep.31

Or here to begin at Episode 1

(As everything I write is true, names have been changed to protect identities.) 

32

Slip Slip Stroke

2000

October 28th: I ask Maanav why nobody told me about this before. I tell him I don’t think it’s a good idea. I don’t remember his response. I’ve shut up about it now. It’s done and I have to accept it.

October 29th: My mother tells me my dad had problems with his previous business partners. When they decided to go their separate ways, as per his contract, Dad wasn’t allowed to set up the same type of business for a certain number of years.

Papa (my father-in-law), a savvy businessman, saw an opportunity and stepped in. It makes sense now. He wants to help my Dad.

It is, of course, my father’s business, they’ve said. It wouldn’t be possible without his decades of knowledge and expertise. On paper though, everything belongs to Maanav.

My mother thought I knew about this all along. She’s surprised Maanav didn’t tell me about it. Maybe Papa told Maanav not to say anything for a while as I have Jai and a new baby on the way to deal with.

2001

January 1st: Jai, Maanav and I bring in the new year by joining my mother at her temple. Jai sleeps peacefully in his rocker chair while we chant the Lord’s names. I think I like this kind of celebration more than partying on New Year’s Eve.

January 9th: My pregnancy is going smoothly. I’m better prepared this time and well-nourished. I’m back at college after the Christmas holidays and I’m still working at the nursing home.

I don’t see Maanav much as he’s always busy at the factory with my dad. He doesn’t come home in time for Jai’s dinner, bath and bedtime like he used to. I’m tired by the evening. It’s much harder to do it by myself. I guess my dad’s business ethic is rubbing off on Maanav already: all work and no family time 🙁

Thankfully, my mother-in-law is here. We make dinner, wash the dishes and clean the kitchen together, then I start on Jai’s evening routine.

Maanav travels abroad sometimes for business. He doesn’t take me with him like he used to though.

January 12th: My dad’s out drinking somewhere, so I had a window to go and pick her up. Mum says she feels ashamed staying over at her daughter’s marital home but we have no choice. Maybe the stress of the new business is getting to Dad and he’s slipped up again. Why does he always take it out on her though? I feel guilty that I don’t live there anymore. At least when I did, I was the target sometimes and could divert him away from her.

I call the police and inform them of the situation. I’ve called them on him before when I lived with my parents. He was given a warning and he’s on their domestic violence register. He’s never forgiven me for that. His response to that call was, “You’re a shame to the family.” I’m getting used to this phrase now.

I don’t know what’s going on with my brother. He doesn’t seem to be around much. And when he is, he seems distracted.

February 6th:

Oh God, I’ve slipped down the stairs! I slid a few steps and landed hard on my back. I’m four months pregnant. It’s just Jai and me at home alone. I’m on one of the connecting staircases on the first floor.

My immediate thought goes to the baby. I hope it’s alright! I couldn’t handle another loss in such a short timeframe.

I stay put, not daring to move in case it causes harm to the baby. I try and figure out what to do.

Jai looks at me and disappears down the rest of the stairs to the ground floor. Where is he going? There’s nobody else home. What if he gets hurt by a door or tries to go outside? I panic and call him back. 

What I did not know until now is that my two-and-a-half-year-old is a superstar! He returns in less than a minute with a plastic cup of pretend water from his play kitchen, urging me to drink some so I’ll feel better. He smiles at me and tries to comfort me with a baby ‘there there’ gesture. Oh my Lord, I love this child so much.

I don’t know if this will work but I put my fist to my ear and tell Jai, I need a telephone. Thankfully we have a few cordless house phones around the place. He toddles off again. I pray he has a clue what I’m talking about.

Lo and behold, he’s back! Climbing up the stairs on all fours, clutching a clunky phone in his tiny hand. He hands it to me, smiling all the while. My little saviour!

I’m in A&E. The doctor says it’s best not to have an x-ray as I’m pregnant. After checking me over, she feels I may have fractured my coccyx. The baby is fine. My back is fine. So, it’s just a bit of a pain in the backside, but who hasn’t dealt with one of those? 🙂

April 11th: It’s a warm Sunday in spring. The baby is due in less than three months. We’re off to lunch at the club where our gym and pool are. We take Jai to swim there sometimes and they have a great little bistro-cafe that kids love. 

I’m driving my new Land Rover Freelander. It’s an early twenty-first birthday present from the family. They wanted me to have a bigger car to easily fit two car seats in and drive the kids around comfortably.

Jai is in his car seat at the back. Maanav’s next to me. He knows I love driving and always obliges me.

As the sun is out, just before we pull out of the private road, I ask Maanav if he can hand me my sunglasses. They’re in the case in the glove box in front of him. Or at least, I try and ask him that, but the words come out sounding different. He looks at me amused, thinking I’m making a joke and talking gibberish with him. I laugh, but I’m confused. 

I try again. I know what I want to say, but I can’t get the words out properly. 

I feel a bit strange. I can’t explain it.

I’m still driving.

All of a sudden, my left arm begins to tingle. I start to lose sensation in my fingertips. Then, I feel the same tingle on my face. And now, part of my lips are numb.

Please go here to continue to Ep. 33