A Heart That Only Knows to Give out Love (Part 3)

Part 1, Part 2

Part 3 begins:

I want to help people, in my own capacity. I have gone overboard many a times. I do not care if the person is new in my life, if they know me well, or if it is a stranger. I have this constant morality check in my mind which kind of kicks in as OCD, if I am not doing enough for one person, my mind would tell me that I am not being fair and I am being biased because this is not a close friend. I feel happy at the end of it, I want to keep helping, be of use to the masses and not just people I care about.

I want to find a balance to be able to be available for people who seek help from me and to find my personal time to rejuvenate, work on self and give time to my priority list. I have read about it so many times, if one does not manage their time well one can not live their life fully. I have found myself doing just the same. I sit and plan that I want to achieve these many things, I note things down. I make a to-do list for the day/week. But have I achieved them all in the given timeframe? No. I get pulled into sudden plans, random meetups. How many more instances do I need to convince myself to make and follow a timely plan!?

I have been reading such beautiful articles which focus on the very problem I am facing, but why do I still circle back to my comfort zone? I have not been able to recognize the actual problem and find the perfect solution. I realized one thing, instead of waiting for the right plan and the right timings, why don’t I just start doing the little I can in the very moment, like right now. I stopped feeling bad about not meeting my deadlines, if my 6:30 am alarm did not wake me up, I did my meditation at 8am or whenever I woke up. One day I snatched 15 minutes of time at 12pm between my morning routine and office work to sit down and meditate with a light yoga routine. I just went to the garden with my roommate when I saw her taking her yoga mat outside. 

I admit that I am not doing all the right things, but I am not doing all things wrong either! That is my motivation for now. At least I have tried to not miss my daily meditation practice no matter what. I meditated once in the subway while I was on vacation in NYC. It made sense to me and was effective, as a beginner – not breaking the practice was important for me. It helps me stay centered to one thing that is going right for now, while I keep trying and trying to make other things work. There is a long way for me to achieve the willpower and dedication that I see in such beautiful people around me, on this platform, at home and everywhere! I want to learn from you all and stay motivated to continue on this path. I want to make small effective progress on my own pace, I find it better than failing big!

I deeply appreciate your kindness and encouragement on my posts. Until the final part of this series, the conclusion!