A Nightmare Unfolds by Gauri

I turned around in fear. There was no one on the beach. No one!! I looked down at my feet. I had run out of the house barefoot. I so wanted to kill myself that morning. But I couldn’t do it. And it wasn’t the thought of my little baby girl, not even a month old, back at home fast asleep with her dad that was stopped me, it was just that I didn’t have the guts! I couldn’t end my life. I felt trapped. Why was everyone so oblivious at what I could see.

My baby Sara wasn’t normal! She had a physical deformity! And all the pediatricians I went to, just said that all her growth was within normal limits! And that she was a perfectly normal child.
Was this some kind of a cruel joke, I remember thinking.
I woke up every morning with one thought! When will this day end.
No one allowed me sleep in the day. All they wanted me to do was to behave normal and look after my daughter and smile through this nightmare.
Well that was just one glimpse into my world when I suffered from severe clinical depression right after the birth of my daughter.
It was only after 4 full months of living life feeling like an outsider to a world that once was my normal life that someone around me figured I needed help. The psychiatrist I visited started me on anti depressants. It was after.6 weeks of taking them that I finally one day could see that my daughter is actually absolutely completely and fully normal!!! OMG what a relief that was! I wanted to cry. To sob. I had lost out on the joy of holding a newborn and enjoying every moment of it but I finally could now bond with her and start a anew.
My hear goes out to my husband who I’m filled with gratitude for who stood by me like a rock and looked after an infant all by himself.
This is to everyone out there who has ever been through clinical depression hang in there.. The medications do have side effects but in some cases the pros far outweigh the cons. (there are different types of depression and the mild to moderate ones are also very difficult to go through but they dont need medication)