Above God Faith and Love

  How could but i turn to a Dog?

While reading some comments in Swami ji s second last post on regrets i read a mom s comment regretting slapping her son when he was 11 year old!

A flash back played back ..it’s not that it haunted me and yes it’s a regret of my immaturity….but time can’t rewind back and our ignorant self is changed with Swami Ji’s grace and wisdom.

I am in a similar situation currently too but the time, circumstances and my perspective have changed.

This was 11 years back when i lost my Father and my Mom had moved to my house ,most things including my marriage,my relationship with my husband and inlaws was volatile and i had 11 year and a 2 year old hungry children with no cooking help.

My mom underwent a Catract operation,my in-laws and kids were home , husband had gone to court,i had arranged their break fast and driven my mom  to hospital with my 2 year old to get her operated.

All surgery went well and i was mad be foolish not to get cooked food back home for those who were at home(i don’t remember clearly if funds were ample that time to do that).

As i entered home with a mom with dressing on her eyes and a clingy and irritated 2 year old demanding child who refused to get out of my lap ,my 11 year old asked me” what am i supposed to eat”

This statement triggered the Dog in me.

I was hungry,tired and frustrated myself on insensitivity of my in-laws and husband whom my foolish expectations to help me with food and taking care of children  assisting me,made me Mad and angry.

I hit and hurt my little innocent child with a belt and even bit her.

How but could a mom be so Cruel?

I have asked forgiveness many times from my daughter hugging her saying i was too hurt myself and she has not re mentioned the incedent to me since some years too!

The situation is again same,my mom has undergone a surgery and before asking Nani’s health my son is more concerned about what he will eat!

The lock down on Covid  made me a medium to sponsor rotis to AIIMS Shelter home patients…a freind commented they r sick and stick in one space u should not feed them thrice with 2 rotis each , reduce it to one third but my lovely os.me…Patients may not take medicine but Food is the real thing!

What wrong but does Swamiji say ” Jeevan ki sachaeee bhook” hei!

Above all God Faith and Love is nothing but 

              HUNGER