Alone is powerful but surely not easy…

My grumblings about solitude that seems to be forced upon me by the Universe, were poured out in an earlier post.

Yet, as I sit down today to write, I understand that something irreversible and irrevocable is happening within.

No, I’m not in absolute bliss being alone. The urge to talk and get into conversations, the heaviness of having none to talk to is still getting onto my nerves. I would still grab the slightest opportunity given by the Universe to speak to my old buddies and catch up.But that’s not happening, yet something is changing within.

Things I notice 

1) Words fail me in regular conversations 

Like when someone does call me out of the blue, I really do not know what to talk. Words flow here when I sit down to write, but speaking about anything worldly is just not happening.

The takeaway

Maybe, Solitude brings a deep connection with the unchanging eternal One and there is little place for the changing emotions or anything that is not forever the same.

2) The Inner Churning 

My flaws and fears are popping up from nowhere. That anger stored within my being towards someone who has not crossed my path since decades, that thought of deep jealousy felt years ago, that unempathetic behaviour of mine in the days gone by, that insensitivity towards a loved one….this is what come from nowhere or rather within me in this absolute silence. 

The takeaway 

This is a space and an experience that is erasing impressions looks like. Whatever has left a deep mark within or whatever negativity that got imprinted on the mind has to be faced and accepted as a part of the learning. 

Maybe that is why, earlier I would cringe and breakdown, now I just watch them and accept the low feeling and let it go. My Lord, You have pulled me and are pulling me away from so many flaws.

3) Detachment or Disengagement 

I really do not know what to call this, but people are not attracting me towards them and also the heart is wiping away memories of bonds that once felt indispensable. There are no expectations from anyone, there are no friends or enemies anymore, as somehow the feeling that everything to this life is and was being sent by the Universe is taking hold.

Whom do I call a friend and whom can I address as an enemy. When they were mere instruments carrying the message of the Universe to my heart.

The Takeaway 

This seems to the painful truth that my being has not yet taken in completely. 

The truth that I have come alone and will leave alone and everyone who crossed my path are messengers of the Universe guiding me towards a higher purpose. Somewhere the emotional being within me is not able to exclude everyone like this.

Maybe there is a different way to look at it, that has not crossed my heart yet.

As the journey continues…..

Solitude does have all the answers and maybe soon my being will find comfort in the right way to look at the bonds of the heart.

Yet it’s definitely not an easy path and without the blessings of the Divine, it is not possible to take even one single step.

❤️🙏

( P.S. Also have to consider keeping the chatting apps to the minimum or even staying away for a while.  For it kind of feels that the beauty of solitude can be had only when we are in the present moment wherever we are and not mentally engaging with past connections all the time)