Am I Being Completely Honest?

Truth. To follow the path of the Divine, one must be established in truth. Sri Ramakrishna said that and Swami says that. Swami has always made it abundantly clear, that, those who think dearly of Him must be truthful to Him. That’s all He ever wants. But I don’t think I’ve been truthful enough.Here goes the story that led me to think that:

Just like everyone else here, there was a time when I was desperate to get an initiation from Swami. So I started to scout the internet and His websites, looking for information about initiation and there I was faced with one question: Why did I want an initiation? So, over the next few days, I started concocting all sorts of answers that I thought would be convincing enough for Swami to give me an initiation. But, I knew I had to be truthful. However, all of the possible answers that I had cooked up seemed like half baked truths to me. I didn’t know why I felt that way. So, I started to think, what was I hiding from myself? Then it dawned on me, that I’ve thought of all the answers with the singular motive of trying to impress Swami. Of course, it’s natural for any human being to try to impress the one person they look up to. But Swami didn’t wanna be impressed, He just wanted the truth. And to be completely honest, I didn’t know why I wanted initiation. And, that’s not a convincing answer at all!
 
Hence, my mind was trying to cover it up with flowery words because the heart wants, what it wants, right?(Lol). So, I’ve decided to hold my horses for now(because, clearly, I’m not ready yet) and get initiated when the time is ripe. Also, I’ve understood that if and when I meet Swami, I should empty myself. Empty myself of all the judgements and rationale and let the truth flow. Then, my answers might not sound very convincing but oh well, atleast I’ll be honest!

Thank you for reading this and giving me your precious time. Don’t think this blog will be of any help to anybody but, I just felt like sharing my thoughts with my amazing os.me fam. 🙂