Am I Ready…?

I’m not a writer, though I’ve always wished to write. But self-doubt is one human trait that can prevent us from doing a lot of things that we actually love to do. It’s one of the reasons that has kept me from penning down the stories I’ve wished to share for so long.  And after months of procrastination, self-doubt, and emotional fears I finally decided to start with a question that pops up every time I decide to do something in my life.

While we all face this question at least once in our lives, many of us face it on a routine basis. This question keeps bugging us from time to time. The topics may be different but the issue remains the same. Am I ready to start a new routine? Am I ready for that new job or a new business venture? Am I ready to move on in life? Am I ready for new travels and journeys? Am I ready to meditate? And just like every software needs timely bug fixing, so does our human system.

There are two types of people: decisive and indecisive. Decisive people are usually quick at decision-making on all fronts. From simple things like what to wear today to where I see myself in five years, in other words, about their goals in life and what they really want to do. On the other hand, indecisive people struggle to make a definitive choice in small and big things, whether that be ordering in a restaurant or following their passion.

This question fires at us almost every time we have to step out of our comfort zone or start something new. Our human brains are wired to say “no” to anything that’s outside of our comfort zone.

According to psychology, “a comfort zone can be described as a psychological state in which things feel familiar to a person and they are at ease and in control of their environment, experiencing low levels of anxiety and stress.”

So, why am I even here today with this post? It’s not like I’m telling you guys something that you don’t already know; because c’mon this comfort zone is a topic too much in limelight already and there are various articles and videos to help you deal with it.

Hi! My name is Ridhima and I’m here to share some of my personal experiences with you. Because even if we are all connected at the roots, we as individuals are always different in our own aspects and experiences (by the way I’m one of those indecisive ones who could not even decide on my one favourite colour in these last 27 years of my life).

If you find yourself in relatable situations in life, please feel free to pick up the lessons I learned, along the way. While there’s a lot to share, I’ll stick to only one experience in this post or I’ll bore you out in my very first one.

Car Driving

Sounds easy-peasy right? Now that I’ve recently learned to drive, yes, it is not particularly a hard row to hoe. But it didn’t always sound like that to me in the past. I was 19 years old when I took my first attempt at driving a car at Maruti Suzuki driving school; things were going well, they gave us theory classes, taught us how to drive on a simulator and finally, we touched the roads.

It was some 15 days long course and it was my exam, the next day. But it somehow happened that that same day I also had my results out for my entrance test to university. I postponed my car examination for a few days because there were some complications with the university results. And two to three days later I lost that seat to someone who bribed for it.

I had always been a very studious child from my childhood (pay attention, studios, not very bright). And losing this seat meant a whole year in my education history marked wasted. It was a big setback for me back then when I took life very seriously. It was like a tag of failure had been attached to my personality.

The result was I lost more of my self-esteem in life. By the way, I’ve been someone with very low self-esteem for like eternity, maybe a trait of my personality I took inside my mom’s womb. I was low on self-esteem when I did not even know the meaning of this word; a topic I’ll discuss in one of my future posts.

And that was when I gave up on driving, or at least my mind did. It started telling me that I wasn’t good enough because that’s what I had been hearing about in past years- that girls are not good drivers. That I didn’t have in me what it takes to drive; that it’s too much multi-tasking and that I’ll fail at this too (just like I did at my admission).

With all that confusion and self-doubt, I started believing that I actually cannot drive and that’s it! You and your life are a result of what you believe. Period. It’s proven psychology.

For the next 9 years, I kept repeating these words to myself: I cannot drive. When until recently, because of the turns my life took, I switched to meditation. I found this goal pack called “Build Self Esteem” on the Black Lotus app (I hope we are all familiar with it); it’s a 14-day-long goal pack and, trust me it did wonders for my personality. Within the first 3-4 days of listening to this meditation, I decided to give it another try to drive, and guess what, I did it!

For the first time in the last 9 years, it felt like an achievement. I realized we really need to rise up from our past and start believing in ourselves. The world only tells us what we are not and what we can not, but it’s us alone who can tell what we really are or can be. Listen to your heart and tell your mind to just shut up sometimes.

Meditation

Meditation has and is helping me figure out a lot of internal issues in my life. It’s a painful and long journey because let’s face it dealing with your past surfacing again, that you’ve long buried in the so-called process of moving on in life, is not easy. It makes you question every move you’ve made in life, every relationship you’ve had in life and above all, it makes you question Who you really are? But in the end, when I’ll have questioned all these questions, one at a time, I’ll finally be at peace with myself and this journey that we call life.

All thanks to Swamiji, for making me a part of his life, for showing me the path when I was at my worst in life, and for creating such great platforms where we can learn, share and confess without having to think twice about being judged.

PS. next month, ie, in September 2022, I’m starting yet another journey of my life, leaving my home, going to live in the mountains, with no real job, only some volunteering work, with a motive to discover my own truth as Swamiji says. “Stepping out of your comfort zone, and believing in yourself…” sounds familiar right? So, am I ready? Yes, of course, I am. Are you?