An Evening in the Park..

My  salutations to  Master.. Since many days i am trying to write something. But i am not getting  in to it. As  I am not a professional writer I basically struggle to write unless some thought came random to me. Since many days  I am not working. Frankly sitting at home. In between this time I sometimes go to nearby park to have a walk though  I prefer indoor workout more  apart from swimming, I tried more to connect more with open sky . The park is not very big. But good enough for walking. There are big plants and flowers. Quite a lot of people come.  So it happened that one evening I was walking . I saw a small girl is trying to climb the stairs of  the swings.  I observed that no parent is there with her. She was very small and i got worried. What if she will fall down? I rushed to her. But saw at the other side of the swing , a man was standing.  I  asked; are  you the  parent of this kid? He nodded. I told him to be alert as she might fall  from the stair. Suddenly I realized that the man is  deaf and mute. He expressed himself in an vowel sound…aaaaaaaa….. From the corner another man came running and explained to him what I am trying to tell.  He smiled and nodded his head again.  I came back and started to walk.  Suddenly I felt sickness in my stomach. I felt deeply disturbed and sad and lost. I kept thinking of the small girl and her father.  I kept thinking one who is gifted to talk can talk so much. And here, the father can not reciprocate to her baby openly. How he would be communicating with her? I started crying.  Here I am talking so much. I am talking, sometimes getting angry and frustrated and shouting  just because I have a tongue. I mean  I realize how much I exploit it just because it is free to me? I felt wounded and lost. There are so many people in the park. All are talking. Endless talk. As if it is not going to end.  Am I worth to have this life? Do I deserve it? I do not know. Life is strange. There is so much noise inside and out.   I  also do realize that  it is difficult to quit some food if you are a foody. I broke promise and ate something. Feeling bad about it. I wonder when I will be a stoic? I wonder why the temptation is not going?  Jai Shri Hari….