Broken Hearts—Loss

Hello to all my dear spiritual friends!

I am sorry it took me a while to get back to writing. I got stuck with extra work ,over and above my fulltime job, and a full-time equivalent daughter!! This work I undertook was for a greater good and less for its monetary value. Although, I promised a different story on broken hearts, in the meanwhile this story took form, and I thought I need to share this one first. I will follow up on the other one, hopefully soon!

We got our first snow storm and the picture I posted with this post is from our back yard. One morning when I got up and looked outside I saw this a little red birdie in the backdrop of this fresh white snow. It was such a heavenly sight that I captured it to share with you! Enjoy!

We experienced some losses in the extended family. My mother lost her sister and the death was very prolonged and painful. The entire family was bathed in sorrow on seeing her suffering. It also triggered the fear of death in my mother, and she lost her vitality and became weaker. No matter how much help women outside of my home, I can not do enough for my mother. Because she knows the best and I am a child, and she needs to tell me what to do. So we never get anywhere in discussions. Most of the time, I have to just fold my hands and seek help from mother divine to help her!

Recently, my ex-husband lost his brother Brig LS Lidder in the chopper crash, where a bunch of senior army officials died in India. Sadly the country lost a valiant soldier and a wonderful human being. I hope the family finds strength in the divine to help cope with this loss. Interestingly relationships come to an end but memories linger on.

It had been a long relationship spanning 17 years and it left a lot of memories. In spirit, I felt I did mourn the death of someone I knew at close quarters, but physically, I was not a part of it. It was a very odd experience. I definitely was not prepared for this. But this experience was important for me because I realized that I had healed from the trauma of a broken relationship. I was able to allow my spirit to prevail over physicality of a painful separation. Conflict is just physicality and therefore, where there is conflict mother divine is not. Mother divine is the spirit in us; pure and undefiled. Wisdom of life, when it dawns, dissipates conflicts and brings forth peace and harmony. Spirit in us connects to the spirit in others in a space where everyone belongs together.

Sometimes, a broken heart is a stronger heart that has opened up to imbibe the wisdom that life is trying to teach. Being at this place in life, today I perceive each loss as a layer ripped off from the parcel of truth. Probably at a place where all the layers, covers and wrappers have been removed from the bare naked truth. There exists a state of awakening, when loss in no more possible. All the layers are different attributes of the physicality. So what sense does it make to cry over something which indeed is not even a loss and actually is a gain at a different level.

This reminds me of ‘Mahishasur from the Shree Durgashaptshathi. This is one of the demons mentioned in the scriptures, the one who is constantly changing forms and dodging its defeat. Until mother divine liberates the spirit from the physical body to realize oneness with the divine. This is indeed the essence of this mortal existence. Physicality continues to trap our spirit in one or the other form. Blindfolded we go on embracing falsehood in different forms only to encounter losses until we choose to liberate our spirit and break loose from the trap of gains and losses to achieve a state free of this.
Shree Durgashaptshathi is a very sacred scripture that belongs to the Shakta tradition. This is a very powerful scripture that holds the key to liberate the spirit from bondage of physicality. Too much philosophy folks! Back to the physical existence.

Loss has been a topic that I have wanted to talk about but always felt lost when I sat down to write it. Loss can be any loss, losing a dear one, loosing health, losing a job etc. Most losses that we fear come with some physical consequences. Often it is the physical impact on ourselves and our life that bothers us. Initial response to loss can be denial or shock, then sadness, anger, guilt and fear, then anger and frustration and finally acceptance. Not necessary to feel all of these in an exact sequence. Even with acceptance there are moments of absolute and deep sadness and helplessness. People still need to be prepared for resurgence of the emotions from time to time. I feel acceptance is when most people have come to terms with an existence, without the lost element. This might not equate to healing and recovery.
Here is what I feel is more important, healing. Healing has happened when memories do not trigger emotions that power a physical conflict and allow the spirit to prevail. This was what I realized from this event in my life. That healing had happened.

I find lot of times people turn to spirituality to overcome their grief invoked by a loss. While it is a good thing to take the higher ground and cultivate faith, spiritual evolution in this moment should not be an expectation. Overwhelming emotional state needs to resolve before spiritual evolution begins. In order to feel the spirit, physicality has to be undermined. Undermining physicality will need a more calm body and less emotional distraction.

I guess, all that I am trying to share with everyone is that keep the expectations right in the face of a loss. Loss triggers a conflict in the mind between what we want and what the reality is. Emotion is a natural outcome of an unresolved conflict. It has its own life, let it live its life but aspire to stay in control. Practically speaking following might help in the moment.

1. Develop an understanding that whatever you feel is normal and everyone has a different way to grieve. No one should tell you what you should feel.

2. Keep in mind that as much as it is difficult for you to help yourself, it is even more difficult for your support person to understand how to help you.

3. It is a good practice to have some supportive people that you trust around you. And express yourself freely to them, provided they accept your request for support. It may not always be the case that the person you are expecting the support from, will be able to do that.

4. Acknowledge your Loss, sometimes it means physically practicing saying, “I lost so and so, I am feeling overwhelmed and I need time to recover.” This is one of the most difficult things that people report while managing a loss. Finding words to say what they want to say, when out and about in the community.

5. It is time to seek help when facing extreme emotions that force you to isolate yourself and you have thoughts of hurting yourself or someone else.

6. Also seek help when you are unable to continue your activities of daily living, it is interfering with your work, personal and social relationships. Help is available. Losses and life events may trigger mental health disorders.

“Dear Mother divine empower everyone to see their Loss in the right perspective, just like killing Mahishasur was indeed meant to actually liberate that spirit from the physical bondage to unite with the divine. Let it be a wakeup call for the ones still navigating a physical existence that physicality is time bound and that the only bare naked truth is the spirit in us that is eternal. Loss was a layer peeled of this truth so that they can get closer to the divine.”