Conflict and Compromise

• Your wife wants to have Italian. The kids chime in too.  You were dying to have South Indian – but (yet again) go with the family choice.
• You were hoping to go on vacation to Goa, but your husband made plans for Shimla. You (yet again), agree to his plan.
• You wanted to have a party for your Bday. But your parents said no. You quietly agreed and gave the bad news to all your friends.
• You were hoping to take up the new assignment, which you were so sure you were doing well in. But the manager gave it to someone else.
• You strongly believe and have arguments to put forth on why KL Rahul is a great player. Yet you give in to points made by your friend against him.

I could go on, but there are endless situations in our daily lives where the choice is between Conflict (not agreeing to what the other says) or Compromise (agreeing to the other person).

Many times when we might feel that we are compromising with the other person, in reality, we are enhancing the conflict with ourselves. Yet again, we are giving in to our demands and wishes. Yet again, we are questioning the strength of our beliefs, principles, and values.  So that’s the negative when we choose compromise, supposedly the better choice.

Now, what happens when we choose conflict? You say that will bring disturbance and disquiet among your near and dear ones. You will be making others unhappy for your own happiness. Isn’t that being selfish? Well, so who said being selfish is bad?  But look at the situation. If you are taking a stand of making others happy most of the time or giving in to others’ points of you more often than not, then you are doing much more damage to yourself in the long run. You are making it easy for others to overrule or undermine your wishes or point of view. You are communicating that ‘It’s OK’ when it actually should be NOT ok.

I am sure many of you would be like – Yeah, based on the situation, one takes either conflict or compromise; one need not be rigid on either of them. In reality, that is a fact.  However, knowing the consequences of each action at each time is essential. Knowing the long-term consequences of each is important, and a ‘please all’ attitude does not benefit you in the long run. 

The choice is clear: are you OK to compromise with others and stay in perennial conflict with your wishes or would you instead call out the conflict with others in almost every circumstance so that people know you well? Many will know you well enough to even distance from you permanently. But, you will have a peaceful sleep as you will be totally at peace with your conscience.