Control Is An Illusion

There is this feeling that gets to your bones once you let go of control.

Have you felt it?

It’s similar to when you finally reunite with someone you love you haven’t seen in a while. The heart expands, and your worries, fears, and struggles melt like a bar of chocolate forgotten under the Dubai sun.

Let me warn you, though, this state of weightlessness is not easily achieved. You don’t wake up one day and say, ok, I’m letting go now.

Humans are usually trained to do the exact opposite. We hold and maneuver and twist and rearrange things, people, and situations until they fit the space and design, ludicrous as it may be, we have decided for them.

How do I know this?
Because I have tried and tried and tried again to make it all fit together in the box of the perfect life over the years, and it has never worked.

I’ve wanted to show up as the flawless soccer-cookie-baker-mom my kids would have wanted me to be.

I have repeatedly put effort into making my romantic relationships function even after deep down I knew they were doomed.

I have put so much energy into rearranging the thoughts in my head to make them feel pretty. Warm and fuzzy like a teddy bear instead of rough and scratchy like a two-day-old beard.

To fix the words in my mouth so they would sound like bird songs instead of letting them run wild with a mind of their own.

And do you want to know the truth?

It was a loss of time. I repeat. It was a loss of time.
Aging is not easy. You look at yourself one day and realize the person you were is gone and not coming back either. You feel lost and confused in the maze of your existence. There is no way out.

One thing to appreciate about getting older, though, is the acceptance and undeniable understanding that the more you force anything- including yourself- into being and doing, what goes against the flow of life is not worth your time and effort.

The surrender and consequent end of struggle come with age. Like white hair and wrinkles.

So my question is,

what would happen if you started to accept yourself and others as. you/they. are. Right now. Without wanting anything to be different than what it is?

There is only one life. Live it.

Thank you for reading.

❤️