Crushing Uncertainties

It’s difficult to put into words just how overwhelming the weight of financial struggles, housing insecurity, and uncertain futures can be. The constant worry and stress can feel suffocating at times. No matter how hard I work or how much effort I put in, it feels like I am just treading water, barely staying afloat.

The reality of not being able to make ends meet is devastating. It leaves me feeling helpless and desperate, wondering how I am going to put food on the table, pay the bills, or afford basic necessities like healthcare. The idea of not having a decent place to call home, a safe and stable environment where I can feel at ease, is heart-wrenching.

And the uncertainty of the future can be crushing. It’s hard to make plans or set goals when I am not even sure if I will be able to follow through on them. The fear of the unknown, of not being able to predict what is going to happen, can be debilitating.

It feels like I am all alone, that no one understands what I am going through. It’s hard to ask for help, to admit that I am struggling. 

Closing my eyes and trying to shut out the world may seem like the easiest solution, but I know that the problems might not disappear. Who knows, Garuda Purana might have something bad in store for me even at the next stage. 

Do you understand how painful it can be to feel when God is not responding to your struggles? I feel abandoned; a loner with a mount of hardships trailing behind me and the rope around my neck dragging me into a rabbit hole. The weight of these problems is so heavy that it’s hard to see any hope, any light at the end of the tunnel.

It is so difficult to hold onto faith when you’re in the midst of so much pain and uncertainty. Yet, the image of Sri Hari and the Divine Maa brings me to my knees and I sob, clinging to the earth like it is my only lifeline. 

The mental toll is too much, just too much..

Perhaps in the midst of these struggles, God is teaching me important lessons about strength, resilience, and compassion. Or is it not? Maybe he is using my experiences to shape me into a better version of myself. Sometimes I just want it to end all. It’s not fair.