Desires , Questions and More Confusions..

After a long break I guess I opened this page. To tell you the truth  I don’t know exactly what I should write.There are so many things which I want to share but somehow  I am lacking patience .Recently  I am going through a strange and not very good phase of my life. No..no  there is food,shelter and I am working.It has been always grace. I am facing a situation  from the point of view of my father specially. All I can say is that he is facing trouble in this phase of his life. I am really not finding words how to put it. I wish I could be with Pujya ,my only savior  🙏Divine Guruji ,Swamiji. 

               I missed two of His zoom live sessions.First one due to my shoot and second class I slept over time. I saw Him in recorded version.He said we are in His thoughts.He said He left Naga baba ji for almost 10 years  but he is always there in His mind. I felt scary at this..really I can’t have this heart 💔that I can stay without seeing our savior for 10 long years. I am an ordinary human being  prabhu ji without intelligence without discipline without patience without will power without mindfulness without a lot many tings.The list will be endless. I really can’t afford this separation. Yet to know from You a lot..a lot.. Do you know Prabhu ji in  the turmoils of life,in all the mental disturbances and irritations I also want to keep a puppy due to my extreme attachments to dogs.. I am afraid of separation. Why life shows us all these things Prabhu ji? I know there are good many answers.There is answer to everything mostly. But  I am thirsty inside. I wish to sit and look at the horizon and I wish You will be showing me God’s beautiful form. I wish a lot of things should happen to me,to all of us despite of the chaos of life.

I am also confessing something else. I am angry inside. very angry.sometimes I use bad word . I give logic to my mind. You know… that since I am so much angry it is coming out .It occurs to most people. But then I regret. I look to your face for solace. I generally  look to your eyes. Your face changes in expression.Most of the time I felt it. But it’s not enough ..  Shall  I ever get  any   sign like in the stories! I wonder .I am thankful to my Parivar.  There are so beautiful 😍 wonderful  souls ❤here.They are always there to help me. Always there to protect me .. my pranaam to you all. There is no specific thing in this post. It’s just mixture of my feeling of my current life.   

• In the end  I am connected to You Master. If You will give me options to keep a puppy 🐶or hold Your hand  I will say I want both.. sometimes I think about the last part of Mahabharat.  In the end the dog also went to heaven with Yudhistheer. Please forgive me of my ignorance. You know me better than anyone. I am your child with all the flaws out there. There are so many things I want to convey. But I am not able to. All I can say..I MISS YOU.I AM NOT COMPLETE.