Devotion and Detachment 3rd Part

10 years…..

I always felt that no one has feelings for me. I was always the maid of his house for him.  I could never become a part of his house. Once i shared my feelings with my Mama Papa that i never mattered for them. I’m none of for them. I’m just his house keeper, felt like I’m a machine. My parents tried to convince that if i will give them a child then i can took place in there house. (by d way they never treat my bhabhis with this mentality. My both bhabhis r like “Aankho ka tara”.😂 may be they learned from my suffering.)

Leave. All r same. Such is the conditioning of the our so called Society. 

Let’s back to story… 

After i heard that conversation, i was shocked. From last 3yrs. I’m thinking to leave this house but sometimes bcz of FIL health,  sometimes thinking about my daughter and sometimes about society. I couldn’t dare to say but bcz of he is a man he ccould.

Next morning, i asked that i heard your conversation in your phone and i have decided that we both will leave this house before you get us out of this house, we would have left. He said,  don’t take it seriously it’s just we were talking. I said, no i mean it, if after 10years you have no feelings for me then no meaning of this so called relationship. It must end. And don’t worry i will not ask for alimony. Just relies us.

His elder brother is still unmarried.( in our society girls ratio less than boys) and if we also separate, he will face problem for second marriage. (and this was also reason that i couldn’t able to leave him and i choose to adjust with this life).

But his conversation gave me strength to made my decision. On 16th feb,  Tuesday night my both brothers came and took me out from there. He knows I’m leaving for rest of life. I was with my all luggage packed bag. But he not speak a single word even. When i was coming back to my maternal home,  throughout i was thinking, he must be crying,  he is alone, he couldn’t pass a night like dis,  he will call me soon to say come back but till date no call from him yet. Not from other family members. Not on my cell and not on my papa.  

From last two days,  I’m continually asking to my papa that is det any call. But not a single. He isn’t call for Angel even. This is the prize of my serving for 10 years. I’m sad bcz i’m still expecting. But no problem now I’m ok. My papa is saying “Why see the way of the one who is never there. Don’t look back. Look ahead whole world is waiting for you. Do as you like.  Live as u like. Go ashram,  Do sadhana. We all here for you n Angel. No need to marry again. I studied you for dis day only.” (Thank god my parents are not like before😃). 

It’s all happened sudden. After returning from ashram in November i was praying to god that plz took me out from this stuff. i was unable to take drastic steps but now all situations suddenly turturn in my favor. All family members are happy to see me back to home. They are treating me and my Angel like never before. Experiencing like my spiritual growth increasing. Feeling detachment from all. Loss of money, loss of relationships,  my mind all taking it easy. 

Even I’m thinking how can i be too much calmer from dis all situations. All goes to our respected Swamiji. His presence give me strength. No one can shaken me under his divine grace. All credits goes to him. If he’s not here,  may be before time i left dis world bcz of dis all stuff. My gratitude towards my respected Sri Deviji also.  Couldn’t express my words here without her permission.

Now my life is,

My Shiva with whom my karma is associated, 

My Shiva with whom my spiritual journey is associated where i dedicating my whole life his divine feet. 

P. S: In life all happens bcz of our karma. If he is in fault then I’m also. Do not judge us please. It’s my destiny all i can say. And new journey is more more most beautiful then past. I just want to enjoy my spiritual journey and rest in peace.

Jai Shri Hari, 🙏

Kajal.