Don’t Argue, Learn To Discuss

Don’t Argue, Learn To Discuss

Be wise in conversations

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You know, often we jump into the mood of arguing. This is a very strong urge in us—to prove others wrong. To prove we are right! And almost every one of us is a victim of this mentality. In this battle to be superior, we hurt each other, abuse each other and even kill our relationships. This is one of the major reasons for relationship clashes—that we want to dominate the other person, to correct the other person, to change the other person according to our preferences. And it breeds conflict, arguments and bitterness in our hearts. Why do we argue then? Isn’t it wise to not argue and try to understand each other’s perspectives? As I said, it’s a very strong urge in us. Because our ego is at stake. And ego doesn’t like defeat. It wants to beat, bite and even kill its opponent in whatever way it can. 

Arguing is a disease of the mind. A truly intelligent mind never argues. Only stupid and rigid minds argue. Because an intelligent mind understands arguing is fuelled by ego. Arguing is the ego’s way of reacting. Such a mind is not intelligent. It’s conditioned with its own beliefs, prejudices, conclusions and ideas. But an intelligent mind is open and flexible. Such a mind can see other perspectives and even appreciate them. 

When was the last time you argued with someone? Or someone argued with you? Try to see—what is the basis of all arguments? It’s this thought: “I am right, you are wrong!” Isn’t that what creates argument? Where does this thought come from? From our sense of ego. This is all ego-clash. And ego kills more relations than situations do. Ego is never healthy, never beneficial. It always spells arrogance and separation. Ego can’t include, can’t embrace. It’s a rigid shell of self-importance. 

I’ve had discussions with my friends and people. One friend was particularly egoistic in his core. He was never willing to let go of his hard-held beliefs and ideas. On many occasions, I felt mentally taxed to deal with him. I tried to break his shell. Sometimes I went very deep in him, but there was a point when I always hit a wall within him. A very strong wall. Whenever I hit that wall, he used to become completely unfriendly, arrogant, outright rude. I realised I cannot go any far from that point. There’s no way I can change him. As soon as I realised it, I completely stopped all my efforts. I just let him be in his room of walls. And slowly I’ve come away from him. 

But, honestly speaking, I never argued with him. Never. I never slipped into the arguing mood. I always tried to take him to his core very patiently. But he terribly resisted each time. He didn’t even realise I was trying to break his shell. If only he could go along with me! A hard nut he is! But, it’s okay. I’ve had my lesson. You cannot change anybody unless the other person cooperates. 

Discussing is a better way to resolve issues than arguing. We are so caught up in our self-important ideas that we soon get into the mood of competition: to prove who’s right and who’s wrong. I always consciously avoided arguments, because it’s very easy to slip into this zone. A little titillation to ego and up it goes in raging argument! Conscious speaking can save you from falling into this trap. 

Last Words

The reason behind all arguments is this awful thought—”I am right, you are wrong!” As long as this thought persists, conflicts and clashes are inevitable. Try to think differently—”Let me see if there is any truth in their perspectives.” I think this is a much more responsible and intelligent thought to nurture. 

Never argue. Learn to discuss. 

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Thank You.

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