Dont Look Up or Down

Inequality. Differences. Unfairness 

To the one who lacks something, these words evoke anger.

To the one who believes he has everything, these same words indicate privilege. 

A child A sees another child B with a ballon. He also wants a ballon, but cannot have one. Either because he has no money or there is no one around selling. He says “Its not fair”.

Now child B, he prides in the fact that he has the privilege of having a nice shining red ballon, which makes him look better than others. He is always looking out for a ballon, something that can make him feel privileged in similar way.

Now you will say, c’mon, they are children and in childhood, these things are natural (though I am not sure why it should be acceptable in childhood and why should something not be done about it then itself). But reality is, that once such a feeling is seeded in childhood, it remains with us and in fact increases as we grow older.

Ravi was aspiring for the job in TCS, but Karan got it. Ravi feels that Karan was more lucky, Karan is more smart. With no specific information shared by TCS on the decision criteria, Ravi can only assume these things.

But in life, we spend too much time comparing ourselves with others, the ones above us and the ones below. We feel sad to see the ones above us doing better and we feel sorry for the ones below us. We are either looking up or looking down. 

“You have little control over the world around you, but full control over the world within you.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo

Where we need to actually look, is INSIDE. We need to be our own benchmark, rather than expecting others to set them for us. We need to assess our own skills, our own performance at a task/activity and then decide how much better can we get. If we got 65/100 in a test, can we get to 70 in a retest. Where do we get those 5 marks from. Can we work little more harder and get to 75? or 80? While our parents might inadvertently make comparisons with the kid next door or one of our friends, but we don’t need to make that mistake ourselves. We have to have the ability to introspect and identify the flaws within our performance and work on it. 

“One who looks around him is intelligent, one who looks within him is wise.”

― Matshona Dhliwayo

Jealousy and envy has never made anyone succeed. Its only in Bollywood movies that it works!!. In reality, each individual is different, our body physique, mental build up, IQ, they are all different. So for us assume that we can get to someone else’s level, is a matter of chance.But if we can improve on our level based on assessment of our performance and identifying the areas to work on, is a SURETY. And in the process, we might improve so much, that we might end up being the class topper!!

If you have a bad luck at the dawn, you had a bad luck. If you keep having bad luck all day, you are the bad luck

– Amit Kalantri

When we self assess, we often make the mistake of blaming our failure on ‘luck’. “Oh, he was unlucky because he fell ill”. “I was unlucky because I got injured.”  To blame luck once a while, it might be ok. But to blame luck all the time, might be hard to bear. At times, our self-assessment might also be wrong. Despite his cricket laurels, with is voice and height being what it is, it might be too much for Sachin Tendulkar to consider becoming an actor !  Similarly, we may not have the requisite skills to attain the task, we might be lacking in the fundamentals. There are improvements which are beyond us and they might need a super-human effort and there is no point beating oneself to death behind a target.

Many times, we are not mentally strong to be able to self assess and it’s better to seek help from someone who can help identify the shortcomings and build upon them. On a regular basis, a coach/mentor or a ‘goto’ person can help us a lot.  Let our ego not come in the way for finding this person. We as humans have the ability to think and find such solutions, so lets not waste the opportunity. The biggest of athletes, sportsmen rely like hell on their coaches, especially in the trying moments.

In Summary, the power to change world resides within you, don’t waste the power comparing yourself with others.