Failing at Time-tables

February 18, 2023

The previous post in my ‘KICK OUT LAZINESS’ journey is- Move it! Move it!

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With a lofty aim to KICK OUT LAZINESS and a plan ready in my head, I sat down to make a wonderful time table. It included particulars like- my wake up time, break time, study time, exercise/zumba time, social media slot etc.. I figured it all out within an hour and cello-taped that piece of sheet on my study table, right in front of me. The alarm clock was forwarded by an hour for faster activity and all was set. With high hopes, full confidence and a pride of starting afresh, I finally took a bath and sat down on my study table to do what I was meant to do.

Day 1- Time table was followed. Check. ✔️

Day 2- Time table was followed. Check. ✔️

Day 3- I woke up late. I was messed up with time lagging behind. I sat down to work without meditation, prayer or bath. I skipped bath for that day. My alarm clock was rushing me. I missed some of my targets. I felt miserable. Now the pending task is loaded for next day. I felt anxious. I felt angry, hopeless like a failure. Can’t I even follow a time table? I gave up.

Day 4- I went to my study table really late. It gave off a very odd vibe. It became the paragon of pressure for me. Books and their small print looked gibberish. Feeling overwhelmed, I peeked at the syllabus I need to cover. I was done. Too much. So, I went off to distract myself with music and daydreaming. I locked myself up in my room and slept the day away. Physical exercise too took a back seat. I was tired in my mind due to my mind. There was too much pressure on me. I gave up.

A few days passed by. No productivity. I need to submit the complete task in hand-writing to my teacher. He had scolded me badly because I was late. So, I went back to my study table, tore away my time-table and made a new one.

The new time-table was similar to the previous one and it brought about a similar story. Three days check and again I was whiling my time away due to the bad habit of procrastination and resulting anxiety; And once more, I gave up.  Is procrastination leading to anxiety or anxiety resulting in procrastination? I don’t know it anymore. I have been making time-tables and breaking my routine for more than two years now. I no longer have the vigour to follow a time table like I had before. I am really failing at time tables.

Giving up never really let me be at peace. In fact, it made me all the more anxious. I felt choked with the pending work. Nobody was to be blamed except me. I took a hard look on myself and said- I don’t like the way I am living my life. Laziness ain’t taking me anywhere. Procrastination only gives me anxiety. Enough is enough!
And then, I finally asked these questions to myself-

Question- What do I want?

Answer- I want my days to be productive.

Question- What makes my days productive?

Answer- Studying.
That’s it! The bare word for me (student) was- STUDYING. So, I gave up making any time table and now my alarm clock is ahead by only 10 minutes and decided that I will focus on my books. I will do anything and everything but will give priority to studying. Then, for a few days, I studied to be productive. I was at peace. But suddenly there boomed a new problem…

(to be continued)