Fault in the Star….

My humble salutations at the lotus feet of Master , my savior , my true love, my true friend, guiding Light and my parent…I see you in many forms. Even though You are in a higher dimension , much ahead and extremely near and dear to Mother or should I say You are the mother came here in disguise…  whatever  , I am praying that You be protected and safe always. I love you.. and there are people who love you more than me, who pray you more than me, who remember you more than me, who need you in dire situations in life. I can not afford loosing you.  We can not afford. You told several times that eventually every one will die. When you will go or die people will say you departed or your soul departed. Will you die really? Please do not die. Can not loose you. I really do not want to listen to any philosophical truth that soul never dies .. and something ..something. Truth is that we are very weak. we are not that strong. At least I am not. abhi bahat rasta baki hai.. apke sath…aur mera request toh aapko yaad hai naa! hamesha apke sath rehna hai…hamesha… 

                                              I am selfish.  I have many desires. But truth is that my physical passion is zero now. I am happy for that. Many will not believe . Because  I am an actor. I am in a glam world. I do makeup in shoot. In our work most of them are men. But i lost interest in physical desire. Yet in serials and movies I am some one’s wife, someone’s girlfriend ..whatever.. I act beautifully .. people say.. and i am confessing another truth to You… I must confess it.. my desire to become an international and national actor is somehow increased  recently. I want to achieve that in this life because it is a burden and I want to overcome it. So that i can be more spiritual. I also do not want to take it to another life. whatever happens it should happen in this life, in front of You, with  You bad , good… everything.. well , i am sure I will not take any wrong step to achieve my ambition..  I will keep patience.  i want this desire to be zero  . You said about that story.. Someone asked an enlightened master. ” Master what happens after enlightenment? Master replied; well! before enlightenment I was cutting woods and after enlightenment I am cutting woods.  So I need to experience that stage. I want to walk in that red carpet and then i want to realize its emptiness so that when i will be enlightened there will not be any question mark. You did the same  right? You left everything when you were in peak. You proved that you can be the finest businessman. If You think I can not kill my desire and there will be no end to it then kill this desire.  I am sure you can kill the enemy. As i said i am weak. I am not that strong.

                                                    Recently one director took interest on me. He tried to propose me by telling various things like i should find some one. what will i do in my old age? who will take care of me? i really need a loving partner… and what not… but it did not work out with me. i was never tempted.. I know I ca not die without you. see…you can see my tears. .right.. i am not passionate about anyone. and i can not afford a stranger in my life who will tell me to leave you and marry and be a wife to a mere male.   I am sorry if i am wrong. As i said i am confessing all these feelings in front of you. The guy said that God resides in everyone so its foolish to avoid  him. and  he also said god will never come in the form of ram or krishna  or someone else… i did not feel like arguing with him so i silently avoided the topic. but i felt i am much ahead now and thanks to You.

                                                     So should i say there is fault in my star that is why my ambition will not be fulfilled and i will not be enlightened? then how come I found You? How

come  I see the Divine????????? Please decide my fate.. and no matter what it will be us.. hamesha….

                                                                 I am more and more grateful to everything. God has given me a healthy body, food, water, home, luxury, work.. everything which people do not have.. why i am saying this after saying all these because i do not want to lie. I am having Black lotus  and Sadhana app in my cell. many people do not have. It is all blessings.  It happened due to You.   

                                                                     Much more to come…..