Five Thirty Am Musing

The alarm clock is right by my bedside.

I haven’t used one in years because I have learned to program my body to wake up at the time I want it to. But last night I didn’t trust myself.

I crawled into the freshly changed sheets after a clearly confused long day sitting in front of the computer doing my thing.

From the outside, it may seem I don’t do anything. If you were to ask a whole piece of myself what is all this pressing on the keyboard, I would say it’s how I fill my day. While another part of me listens to what is going on in the mountain road right beside my open window, the fresh air filling my lungs; soothing balm for my brain.

I get asked a lot, what do you actually do sitting all day typing? I don’t answer that. I let my words do the talking.

The voice of one of my boys but mom I’m hungry crashes into my ear, under the headphone. It seems so real, yet he’s not here. No, I’m not going crazy. The mind is incredible at storing stuff, but you have zero choice on where it will take you.

Are you with me on this one? 

Years of inner work and meditation, sitting in silence, many spent crying and questioning my choices find rest somewhere in the most remote parts of my physical me, like the left hip that makes a squishy sound when it feels like.

In my teens, I often said to myself I never liked you and I always will feel this way. Geez.

Things have changed and now that I look back I see that that was seriously funny although it surely didn’t feel like that when my prakriti and purusha were rebelling against each other. I look at it as a beautiful pain that helped me grow bla bla. No, actually I don’t see it like that. At all.

I see those years as necessary suffering because of my karmic account but I don’t want to talk about this sweet sorrow right now. I’m getting off-topic. What was the assignment, anyways? The only choice we have, come to think of it, is to learn from the past, prepare for the future while living in the present.

My wish for you is that you step into this flow with ease.

Writing workshop day two ✅

PS: the words in italic were given to us as we were writing to be incorporated in the article. 

Thanks so much for being here.

❤️