Give Me Some Sunshine. Give Me Some Rays

I don’t know how do I express myself, but I am in a lot of pain. 

Not physical pain, but emotional pain. I have never ever been in such a state where I feel so overwhelmed and helpless. My chest is heavy all the time, and I think if I would be able to make it or not. 

If you have read my first post then you must be knowing that my family met with a car accident a while back, and my father suffered from a spinal cord injury. It has been 10 months since the accident and my father has not been home since then. We have been staying in a flat in Delhi for his treatment (we are originally from Uttrakhand). Life has been very difficult. 

Giving my introduction, I am an average girl with big dreams who always thought that she has the potential to do something big. In 2018, I thought of getting into the top B-school for an MBA, took my 2 years of very hard work, and I got into a college that comes in the top 10 rankings. But how’s that going?

Since the accident, I have never been able to concentrate on my studies. Many would say that it is an excuse and you gotta stay strong. But till when? I always thought that NOW is the time that everything would be over, but I have always faced bigger shocks in these 10 months. Like when I got to know that my father’s surgery went wrong, he was at 40% lung capacity and contracted with coronavirus, After the virus, he suffered from pneumonia, etc. I have always been so stressed out that even if things are going in the right direction, I have fear in my heart. 

I am not able to do anything properly. I am not able to study properly. I have been out a few times to take a short break, but nothing seems to be working for me. Right now I am sitting and just thinking of all the hard work I put in to get into my dream college, and all these efforts are being wasted. 

Please suggest to me some ways through which I can give myself the strength to be positive and move ahead in my life. I want to take care of my family and give them the strength too to move forward and fight with these times. Give me some suggestions and good thoughts to improve my mindset.