Happy Halloween!

What is a real Halloween scare? Losing all you have, all you depend on? Losing your mind and sanity? Losing touch with reality and going into the deep hollows of the dark future? Well, a dark past seems better when the future looks dim and dull. No offense.

Away from home, making a living in a foreign land and finding a strong foothold in an ever changing environment. Finding happiness in small feats and far from home festivities. In one moment you have everything and in the next, you fear losing it all. There is nothing you want to achieve or grab anymore, you just want to hold on to this moment that is scaring the life out of you and the next few minutes can reveal the scariest nightmare for you. Yes, it is frightening because you never imagined this worst case scenario.

Each second seemed like an eternity of emerging fear. What if, what next, why and what if me too. The chaos started and people started going berserk over the announcement. Restructuring the company’s focus and reducing workforce?! Does that sound scary to anybody, because it took me by a huge shock. I wasn’t prepared for anything like this, I had only heard of it on job search portals and now it was happening in my own org. I never anticipated a situation like this, I stood on moving ice plates and it can sink, break or melt away at any moment. I always knew I did not have a fixed plan and it depended a lot on the luck and goodwill of others (well mostly good luck). 

I could not see beyond this situation, I was waiting to find out what luck has in store for me. Minute by minute I was losing it and called my bestie at work. She tried consoling me and showing me that a brighter side does exist. I wasn’t listening to it, I was in the zone. I started choking up and she talked me out of it and I could give myself affirmations that I can survive. It is definitely not the end of the world, just a situation I hadn’t planned for. Before I could bring myself to terms, my friend received the email and she was impacted. My pupils dilated and I struggled for words to say to her, she hung up and I respected her mind space. Now I waited for my fate.

I called my brother in India, my close confidante and pillar. I waited while I narrated the events of the day, and told him not to say anything to mummy-papa back home. We discussed how it doesn’t ruin my future in any way, I can still stand on my feet and explore multiple options. I started calculating everything that could happen and how I have to factor in money, expenses, resources, activities, and plans I had for the end of the year. It would impact everything and change all my plans. I could recover from this, it would be a setback but not the end of the world. I was praying and thinking of the almighty and Swamiji.

I received the email- I wasn’t impacted. My job was saved, nothing was ruined for me. It was a big wake-up call, I wasn’t able to come out of this feeling. This was 3 weeks ago. A lot of things followed and I took the rest of the week to get out of it. I cried. I isolated myself. I took big decisions, lifestyle-changing measures. The fear had engulfed me and I couldn’t just be grateful for the blessing I had received. I started acting frantically, it wasn’t sustainable at all. After much deliberation and seeing my friends and talking to my near ones and asking for what I needed at that moment; I managed to pick myself up after this storm. The storm didn’t take away anything from me but gave me a reality check and much needed push to start working on my future aspirations. 

That same evening I received Swamiji’s photo in my hand, I have to say, it was one big assurance that he is looking after me and has my back. Usually, I factor in efforts and actions more than beliefs. I do have faith. I acknowledge the blessings and unseen presence of the Almighty. Thank you Universe and the Almighty. Om Swami 🙏🏼❤️