Hate Isn’t the Death of Love

I’ve been in love a few times in my life and when I was younger I always thought love lasts forever.

I suppose that’s the notion Hollywood and Disney instill in you as a child, but with the end of my first relationship came the realisation love can come to an end, and my outlook changed.

I then thought, if love had to come to an end, surely it would die in a pit of fiery hatred. But as time wore on, along with my relationships, I’ve realised hate is not the death of love.

Indifference is.

Hate is an emotion in the extreme, just like Love.  They’re two opposite ends of a spectrum.

The reason hate is not the death of love is because both love and hate are both emotions; if a relationship goes bad and feelings swing in the opposite direction, your emotions are still engaged.

Affection may have swung to disdain and hate now occupies where love used to be, but since love already existed, and love/hate are two sides of the same coin, feelings are fully capable of swinging back (or forth) again.

Your feelings are still active, whether you feel love or hate. Your emotions are still ‘switched on’ and you feel something for the person, even if it is negative. This shows you still have some form of emotion for the person, even if you feel hate.

Indifference, however, is the switching off of emotion. You don’t feel positively about the person you once loved, but nor do you feel negatively.

You just don’t feel much at all.

Indifference shows a distinct lack of feeling. A lack of caring, a void where emotion once used to be. Indifference toward someone you used to love shows you’ve moved past them, without doubt.

I can’t offer a way to become indifferent toward a former partner, nor can I offer a method to undo a previous lover’s indifference. Both are because every relationship is unique, both in situation and individual.

What I can say though, is that hate does not necessarily signify the end of a relationship.

Indifference though, does, and it can cut deeper than hate. If one partner still holds feelings, the realisation that only coldness exists from the other side, where once warmth used to be, is stark, painful and jarring.

It seems love doesn’t die in the depths of fiery hatred. Rather, just as a person can fall in love, they can fall out of love, and indifference is a result of this falling out.

Disenchantment would be the right word.

Whereas, contrastingly, hate is an indicator of red-hot, engaged emotions.

Hate really isn’t the death of love. Once indifference sets in, though, love checks out.

Picture Credit- Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash