How to Accept Someone Completely?

Have you tried accepting yourself or someone else completely? And failed miserably? Yes, me too. I read, watched, absorbed all the wisdom, but did fail many times. Until, with His grace, I learnt the trick which life was hiding from us, all along.

The trick behind full acceptance is detachment. Yep. Sounds complicated? Don’t worry, it’s not.

Let’s admit it, human mind thinks very highly of itself. In fact, we tend to believe that we have some invisible ownership over others and therefore try to mould them into how we want them to be.

And it is natural that as two people grow together, the attachment also grows. And see, it dawned upon me, through one of Swami’s videos, that unless we have a degree of detachment both from ourselves and from the other person, we will never be able to accept them as they are. Crazy, right?

Acceptance and detachment go hand in hand.
Yes, and so does freedom.

For instance, if we are too attached to our own self, beliefs and actions, we will always believe that we are right, and in such cases we fail to grow. If on the other hand, we consciously take a step back and realise our mistakes, it is only then that we can exercise self-compassion.

Something wonderful happens when we detach ourselves from the our set of beliefs. We realise that it isn’t all about ‘my way or the highway’ but instead we look at things from another perspective. That of self-compassion.

What is self-compassion? 

It’s sinply the understanding that we did the best we could. In fact we always do the best we can at any point in time, with what we have and where we are. Yes there may be better ways to do things and we can improve, but at any point in time, we would’ve done better if we could. So, how about giving ourselves a break?

It’s also a great way to crush our own little ego, in a gentle way.

But most importantly, I learnt that through this approach, not only do we manage to forgive ourselves but we also overflow with self-love and self-compassion. Have you noticed how hard we are on ourselves? So why not try some detachment, forgiveness and compassion on ourselves for once. As I shared in one of the answers of the Q&As, one great way to do that is to imagine oneself as a toddler, doing exactly what we are doing. This little cute thing (A little you. So adorable, right?) will melt the adult you, and leave you practising self-compassion like never before.

And, let me share one more learning: The same applies to other people. If we are too focussed on their mistakes and how they ‘should’ be, whether that’s another driver, a lover or a friend, we will not be able to feel compassion. (If you’re unlucky enough, yes driver, lover and friend can all be one person. Just kidding).

Detachment is letting the other person be how they want to be, while we also tell them what we prefer, but allowing them the freedom to decide.

And it is from this detachment and compassion, that acceptance arises. We realise deep within that the other person is doing the best they can. Because, my friend, tendencies of the mind are ingrained even harder than writings on engraved stones.

So now that you read the entire post, in one line: Compassion and self-detachment (from our own beliefs) are the two tricks to experience acceptance of anything or anyone.

“We are all doing the best we can, let them be and love them anyway. 

We did the best we could, let the old us be and let us love ourselves anyway.

Life is beautiful, let it love us too.”

Now, as you imagine yourself as a cute little toddler, in the middle of your current life, have you looked at yourself in the mirror and smiled yet? Why not? Try it, I’m not looking… I promise!

PC