I Don’t Want To Die

‘I don’t want to die… They are saying all kinds of ugly things… It will be a terrible death in 6 years from which no one can save me…Daddy, can you not save me…Please, I don’t want to die?” I managed to gasp out those incoherent lines amidst uncontrollable tears accompanied by frequent convulsions. If you’re visualizing the scene, let me help you with the most important figment – I am 6 summers old, the hem of my frock kissing the top of my knees, tiny anklet bells jingling against my feet, and boy-cut hair.

Dad had just returned from his office, parked his scooter in our small courtyard, and sat down on a white plastic chair to take a sip of water when I ran to him in this disheveled state to deliver the most shocking statement. Waiting for him to rush out in a fit of rage to silence all those who dared speak about his darling daughter’s death. The true Kshatriya that he is!

One…Two…Three… He gulped down the entire glass, put it aside, stood up, picked me in his arms…and roared in laughter. Hahahaha…hahaha… Hey, what’s happening? Has he lost his mind?

I continued to stare at his face in bewilderment as he plonked down into the chair again, this time with me in his lap. The next words from his mouth were, “You look very beautiful when crying, red cheeks decked with teardrops, trembling lips, and watery eyes”. It was his favorite line whenever he saw me crying. Are you serious Dad? I’m crying over my death prediction and you’re trying to cheer me up with my looks! As I started wailing louder in utter hopelessness, perhaps he realized the sensitivity of the situation(or at least feigned so) and inquired about the culprits.

Not losing another moment, I blurted out the details in exact chronology, careful so as not to miss a single name. “While we were playing near the well in the afternoon, an elder cousin expounded upon the concept of pralay(destruction) impending in the year 2000. Initially, I dismissed it smartly as a rumor but then another Didi certified it as the truth saying that she had also heard the prophecy from her grandparents. Another Bhaiya chimed in ‘this is no joke, it is written in the scriptures and must come to pass’. Somebody else commented that the Lord himself will be descending in His next avatar to wipe out all life from Earth. It scared me and I started crying profusely repeating that I don’t want to die so soon. Still, they kept adding fuel to my tears describing gruesome accounts of slaying swords, wars, floods, fires that no one can survive.”

With a gentle smile and loving caress on my head, Daddy started recounting the story of a little child who was destined to live only 16 years but went on to become immortal. A few moments later, my tears along with the fear of dying evaporated into thin air, and hope shined again on my silly face.

Now, paraphrasing the story as I remember it (simplified kid’s version) 🙂

Once upon a time… a sage and his wife lived in the forest. Being childless even after many years of marriage, they started performing deep penance to Lord Shiva for a child. Several years later, Shiva appeared in front of them and asked for a boon. When they expressed their desire for a child, Shiva gave 2 options – either an intelligent son with a lifespan of just 16 years or a fool who would live 100 years. Without any hesitation, they chose the first one. Soon after, a very bright and beautiful baby was born whom they named Markandeya. As the boy started growing older, the parents started growing despondent remembering their child’s fate until one day when they could hide it no longer from their dear son who often asked about the cause of their worry. After hearing about his lifespan, he set out to worship Lord Shiva in solitude. Pleased by his devotion and persistence despite all hardships, Shiva appeared in front of him and told him to ask for a boon. The boy dared to question “Will you actually grant anything I ask my Lord”? As soon as Shiva replied “It’s my promise to you son”, the boy prayed to extend his lifespan by some more years so that his parents can be happy. Moved by his love and devotion, Shiva blessed him to live forever as an immortal.

You can read the elaborate version with great details here.

The story had a great impact on my mind even at that tender age. I was blown away by the enormous potency of sadhana, the power of Lord Shiva and the knowledge that nothing is impossible. All my worries about death were washed away instantly. On many following nights, I would plan with my brother to meditate the whole night. We would pretend to be fast asleep until our parents went to bed putting off all lights and then spring to a cross-legged pose chanting Om Nama Shivay silently (inspired by TV serials). Believe it or not, within some time, we would become totally engrossed in ourselves losing all sense of surroundings and time. Upon opening our eyes seemingly a few minutes later, we would find ourselves lying on the bed, the clock ticking past 6 AM and Mom shouting aloud to get us ready for school. 😉

It was a surreal moment for me when Swamiji spoke about Rishi Markandeya’s boon of immortality during the Sri Suktam Sadhana. I became a little child again, listening excitedly to my Swami’s divine narration, awed by the infinite possibilities and the courage to aspire and act towards colossal goals.

Under His umbrella, no rain can wash away my castle

Under His wings, I shall fly higher than the eagle

Melted by His fire, I shall continue to flow

Sprinkling the petals of love wherever I go

This is one of the many instances in my childhood when Dad would narrate a scriptural anecdote befitting to the context to teach me a valuable lesson. And they always succeeded in working wonders on me, for a lifetime.

If you too have such inspiring childhood memories of being introduced to captivating stories from our scriptures, please do make us privy to those beautiful experiences. And if you are a parent, I hope you are already making good use of every opportunity to empower your kids with the vast treasures flowing from our Sanatana Dharma.