I MYSELF AND THE ACTOR IN ME…

Being an actor is not an easy job.Well..from my childhood it was my dream;to become an actor. I was  not a brilliant student like my elder brother.  All my concentration ,my energy was only on one track. I belong to a middle class educated family where you will not find any professional creative person like  and actor,dancer singer n many more like them.You will find doctors,engineers, lecturers,teachers sometimes advocates ,Judges and many more categories. So ..then I was the odd man out.I remember in my childhood,no body trusted me.They all thought i am only passing time or  i am not serious in life or worst i do not know what i want..My father thought when i will be a big girl i will change my mind and become a doctor only.

But as time ran i never changed. I was head strong.My parents never supported me practically how to become a good actor..Of course they were not to be blamed.They simply did not know and they did not have a single idea about film line. Being in Odisha it was a bit more difficult to find a cinematic exposure unless and until some one is your relative. So my dream of joining NSD(National School Of Drama) or FTII(Film and Television Institute  in Pune)  only stayed in my heart.I learned acting by watching films only.Some how i was gifted may be to become a finished and polished actor. So i ended up leaving my hotel management job in Agra  and entered in film family. I remember for a long time i believed that film fraternity is my extended family.Surprisingly since long i used to chant the Navaarna mantra,Durga Saptasati and some more mantras and slokas regularly.I also remember doing  Maa Bagalamukhi sadhana from a distant senior actor during my struggling days while making career. I am certain i did many mistakes in those pujas because i was ameture in doing a sadhna. I was more childlike curious to learn it. I never knew one day i will meet the most important soul  yet in my heart i always searched for that living Guru.

Coming back to my filmy career ,for a very long time i always felt guilty .Guilty because i always wanted to  act in National and International field.Deep down in my heart i was not happy.i felt i deserve  more.I regretted not studying in FTII. Now it is all most 20 long years.I never looked back in my acting career. And now after finding Master i learned many more things.Learning is continuing.

• I am learning to accept things.
• I am learning to be more fearless.
• I am learning to be more spiritual in a true sense.
• I am learning to not to feel guilty.

I am learning to accept who i am and what is my life’s purpose in a greater canvas.

I have many more dreams and some of them are not material.Walking in a more powerful path ignites more responsibility  in one’s shoulder.I wish and pray someday i will be ready to take that responsibility and i can walk in the chosen path fearlessly. It is not a story.I do not know how to write a story.I felt to share this chapter of my life with you.Hope you will not get bored and please forgive me if something hurt you in this post.I never intend to hurt anyone.

MY HUMBLE GRATITUDE TO MY GURU OM SWAMI JI FOR ACCEPTING ME AS I AM AND BELIEVING IN ME.I MUST HAVE DONE SOME GOOD KARMA IN SOME LIFE FOR I GOT HIM HERE IN THIS LIFE. SALUTATIONS TO YOU MASTER.