I Struggle with Relationships

My struggle with my parents:
As a kid, sometimes I’d be confused by the actions of my parents. As I grew older, it worsened, because I started to slightly grow my faculty of intelligence. I thought I saw through their fallacies. I became self-righteous instead of wise. This created conflict.
I wasn’t very skillful with my words, and would resort to violent speech and tantrums. This reinforced the bitterness in my relationship with them. I guess I expected them to understand things without me needing to be articulate, because they were my parents. I’d make bull headed, brash, unkind decisions anyway. And I’d suffer, and make others suffer for it. And blame others for that suffering. 

My struggle with romantic relationships:
I hurt a lot of people by abruptly ending relationships with them. I faced my share of the same. Instead of learning correctly from it, I chose to inflict that same pain on others. And I’d suffer, and make others suffer for it. And blame others for that suffering. 

My insecurities:
For nearly a decade I was very insecure about love. I inflicted that same insecurity on others. And I’d suffer, and make others suffer for it. And blame others for that suffering. 

To the ones I have hurt but am now unable to communicate with: Thank you for teaching me. I am grateful to you for coming into my life. I am grateful for the nice memories. I am grateful to you for presenting me with opportunities to be better. To be kinder. To end the circle of hurt. I am sorry I was unable to make use of it. 

To myself: The circle of hurt that comes to me, must end with me. I cannot yet control my thoughts fully. But neither can I stop trying to. 
So baby steps. Next forty days, starting now. 21.35, 18th October, 2022. 
No hurtful acts. No hurtful words. 

Picture: Hercules and the Centaur Nessus, from WikiMedia Commons.