Judgements and Tattoos

At what age got this idea that people with tattoos are bindas (carefree/cool) people is hard for me to recall. But I always knew I will have one. Now which one and where was the question.

Went through some nice designs on internet and decided mostly on a toddler smiling Buddha on lotus felt the goal of my spiritual journey too. But then I decided the scar of surgery on my leg following my accident in 2004 was ideal site.A cover up tattoo basically.

I visit a tattoo studio , book my appointment to get inked a week later and the artist would get back with designs for me to approve. Once I make this appointment which involved some cash, I felt this strange feeling in my body and heart. I could not point my finger on what exactly, but it was a feeling that I was losing my identity. Identity of this image of how my body has to be, fair, blemish free. And now am getting something permanent on it. For all the excitement , this was exactly opposite feeling. I immediately messaged my friend, there’s a lesson in this, but strangely I feel I shall realise it only after I get inked.

The day arrived. Now, I wanted Swamiji’s name inked too. But should it be english ( way I communicate to Him) or hindi (His mother tongue)? And then this idea flashes, and I call Swamiji’s disciple-friend of mine and pose my doubt. She said, if it’s Swamiji’s, then hindi it is and His signature. Instantly, she sends me a pic from His signed book.

She also revealed, a day later that how the image she sent of the signature is also from the book she got signed with my name on it to gift me.

I come home happy and proud of how  the design turned out and was was ecstatic.

I call my friend to whom I said I will know the lesson after getting inked, to tell how painful it was but worth it. At some point in discussion she says, “I didn’t want to say this earlier because it could effect your decision and the happiness you felt about tattoo , but in my country , body piercing, tattooing, hair colouring is not considered “classy””. Immediately, my feelings shift, I start feeling pathetic about altering my body in this permanent way. And all those moments when I judged people based of their looks and choices they make of what they do with their body flashes. I just observe, knowing well this was the lesson, and once it goes deep, I will be healed. 

Now am proud of bearing through the pain, and having fulfilled my desire. And realised a simple indulgent such as this could be a moment of learning-unlearing our set ways of thinking.

Cheers to more freeier and judgement free life!!