Just Keep Swimming, Swimming, Swimming! – Dory (Finding Nemo)

I decided I will be more kind and compassionate in this not-so-good “odd-numbered” year, 2023. Yeah — don’t like odd numbers. Well, it’s 24th Jan 2023 and I haven’t been able to complete a single day when I was able to either act or think kindly and compassionately for a WHOLE DAY. I mean, I am not a sociopath, and I am not a psychopath (at least not a diagnosed one, anyway) — this should have been an easy somewhat achievable goal, but so far it has been a 100% failure. 

One day I was so close and at the last moment while walking home ran into a small branch (my mind was somewhere else) and for a second had some unkind thoughts pass through my head for the tree branch. Yup! – I was unkind to a tree branch. Did not even know that was possible. 

Which makes me think- why is changing ourselves so hard? Even when we know it’s for the better. It should not be this hard to not have a negative thought about a situation or person for at least one day. 

I am not sure how to get there except to beg Him day in and out for help. Except to practice it again and again and again till it is muscle memory. Somedays, I feel so jealous when I see people being kind and it looks like it’s second nature to them. Whether it is kindness in action, words or thoughts. It comes so easily to some people. What a blessing it is! 

We have some college students who live in our building who are usually not very mindful of the late nights and other people or at least it seems that way. You can hear bikes come in at very late hours, guys laughing out loud when climbing the stairs to go up to the apartment etc. Unfortunately, I am a light sleeper, so I wake up quite easily and its very hard to go back to sleep. Every time this happens, my mind will have unkind and judgemental thoughts about how can these kids be this clueless? How can they not care at all? – well I was about to get a lesson on not being judgemental and more importantly everyone is kind in their own way, sometimes we just don’t know it!

I live on the first floor and usually sleep with the window open, even in winter. 🙂 Yes, it is kind of odd considering how the light of a sleeper I am but unfortunately sleeping in a closed room gives me anxiety. Anyway, I was woken up by a very loud ringtone going off just below my window at 1:20 AM.

I have a parking space below my window. I was obviously very irritated as I got woken up and knew now I would have trouble falling back to sleep. What shocked me later when I analysed my night — the sheer amount of negative thoughts and feelings that went through my brain in that hour. I mentally cursed whoever was letting the phone ring again and again and again. I think that phone would have gone through 11-12 call cycles. So the phone would ring, and no one would pick up so it will go on and on, then stop, then go off again and the cycle repeats. It has been an hour now and I was getting very frustrated. I had also gotten up to see if I could see someone outside my window but nothing was visible. 

After an hour I got up to walk down the stairs alone into the night(I was a little scared) to solve what is going on and as you can imagine I have been stewing in anger for an hour now and it’s 2:30 AM. Also, by this time, I am mildly concerned and worried that something has happened to someone below and they are unable to reach the phone. As I start putting on warm layers, I see one of the ‘unruly’ college kids who lived above my apartments walk out. My first assumption — of course it is this ill-mannered kid’s phone. Of course, everything I have ever judged them for is true. How rude of them!

This kid is not wearing any sweater or jacket and it’s quite chilly. I am getting angrier by the second because the damn phone is still ringing and I was about to walk up to my window and give this rude person a piece of my mind. And then I see he is searching for something and it hits me, it’s not his phone and he is actually looking for the source of the ringtone. He finds it and picks up the call and proceeds to have the kindest, sweetest conversation ever. I was able to hear his side of the conversation. 

Basically, someone had dropped their very expensive iPhone and couldn’t figure out where. So they were calling the phone in hopes of hearing it while they drive around everywhere they had been in hopes of finding the phone at 2AM in the morning. This ‘unruly’, ‘unkind’, ‘lacking compassion’ college kid laughs and tells the person on the phone to please breathe. He then tells them exactly where he is and they need not panic as their very expensive, new phone is perfectly safe. He gives them his name and personal phone number and tells them he will wait for them to come and stands on the main road so they can see him. And then this young man (I think based on his kind action we should promote him from ‘this kid’ to a ‘young man’), proceeds to stand outside in jeans and a shirt at 2:45AM waiting for the person to come get the phone. 

I obviously went back to bed feeling happy and sad at the same time. Happy for the kindness and understanding of that man. Sad about my judgemental attitude, sad about the inability to be kind to a complete stranger, inability to be calm, and inability to be compassionate. All I can do is send a prayer His way and ask for forgiveness. At the same time beg for guidance and strength to continue on the path to being more kind and compassionate in action and thought. Try, try, try again. Because honestly, what other path is there? Continue practising kindness and compassion till it’s not just second nature but the ONLY true nature remaining.

As Dory says in Finding Nemo, “Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!”

-Dedicated to Mother Divine and His lotus feet

Your Ignorant Fool