” Man, What is Swamiji Doing? “

Why do we bathe God? Why do we dress him? Why is Lord Shiva naked? Why is Swamiji pouring ash all over him? Who the hell am I to question Swamiji? 

These thoughts were rushing through my mind during the Shiva Ratri Abhishekam in Sri Badrika Ashram and I felt guilty because just today afternoon I read the Book of faith today and I know Swamiji’s feelings and reverence towards Abhishekam and I’ve always struggled with the concept of Abhishekam

I will write the true thoughts that went inside my mind throughout the day, and I apologise if they don’t outright please you, but if you read till the last, I don’t think you’d be disappointed.

‘Anta bhala toh sab bhala’, they say! 

Ritualistic worship in Sadhana app! 

To give you the background, I’ve never been too attracted to Lord Shiva so I’ve not known much about him. Though I do believe in everything Swamiji does and have been doing Rudra Abhishekam in the Sadhana App after getting up early morning for a few days, right in my bed because I knew Shivratri was coming.

The experience inside Sadhana app is very immersive and awesome.

So when they offer various things to the Shiva lingam, even though I am not a fan of Abhishekam but I do love eulogizing any form of Bhagvaan in Vedic chants especially like Rudram.

I also gave my prayer to Nandi ji in the app just some days ago.

For some time, I’ve not been able to breathe properly. Rhythmic breathing is absolutely important to calm the mind. 

Dispensary 

Today I went to Ashrama Dispensary and Dr. Geeta Ma’am there gave me a nosal spray and some anti allergic and I was able to breathe so easily after such a long time.

I slept soo peacefully. You rock Geeta ji!

Library 

Went to the Library and read the Book of faith.

There were so many nice stories but the one I registered was the one where Swamiji joined a devotee Krishna in a Vishnu Sahasranamam Abhishek, all the while crying and a stream of tears running down to his chin and falling to the floor. (and I’m like I don’t know soo many things that have forever existed in my Motherland and felt like I need to get my act together. )

kathaṁ vinā roma-harṣaṁ
dravatā cetasā vinā
vinānandāśru-kalayā
śudhyed bhaktyā vināśayaḥ

How can the mind purified without devotion characterized by melting the heart, hair standing on end and tears of joy flowing from the eyes.

(Uddhava Gita 9.23) 

Naturally my reverence for Swamiji increased exponentially reading the book. 

I did attend a book reading section with Sadhvi Nishtha ji in the afternoon. She seemed a bit emotional. She wanted to walk among Lord Shiva like in the serial Devo ke Deva Mahadev but she was already staying continously in the presence of Swamiji himself.

In past many devotees have been in the company of the Lord, it doesn’t always change much in them. Some might get a few experiences here and there, but very take advantage of the His holy company and very few realize that ultimately you have to get down to Sadhana.

And even though I did judge her(sorry Sadhvi ji), I realised I too feel I want to be in the presence of Sri Ramakrishna every now and then.

That’s what happened in Uddhava Gita. Uddhava got so broken up when Lord Krishna was going back to Vaikuntha towards the end of Srimad Bhagavatam, but the Lord told him to stay back and practice Sadhana. He gave him the famous Uddhava Gita.

Humara ladka, reasoning ka maara (you’d soon get the joke if you make it till the end)

Stroll in the park. 

Anyways, I talked to my family because my Mother was in the hospital.

I realize I can’t do anything for her. She has always been careless about her health and her emotions.

To a woman, romantic love matters the most and if they don’t have that, but get the opposite in a husband, they usually turn bitter in life. Those negative feelings soon turn into bad actions and those soon turn into diseases.

I can’t change my Mother’s husband nor can I get her to concentrate on her health.

Can we really help other people? You can help a person only if they wish to be helped, to be guided or at least to listen.

Ate dinner and then went towards the temple as it was near 6:00.

Sri Hari Temple 

I saw Diya di taking off her slippers but I didn’t greet her because I wasn’t in the best state of mind and wanted to go unnoticed.

Finally I get to the Shri Hari Mandir and the hall was packed as hell.

I sat in the back in a chair and everyone looked at me weirdly because I soon realized they were for elders. But it was empty and no elder was waiting to sit there so I sat without much guilt.

I knew my devotion towards vigrahas wasn’t too much and I thought it’s only fair I sit in the back.

Don’t get me wrong, I can bow to them, sing to them, pray to them, but Abhishekam never made any sense.

Rudrabhishekam 

Our Lord Shiva came in black robes and the Abhishekam started.

An bright Brahmin boy I saw in white robes in the park just the night before started invoking Lord Ganesha and started singing Rudram in absolute rhythm.

The rendition was flawless and pretty awesome.

Man did I envy him for knowing how to render a Vedic hymn. I met his father just minutes before I penned this down. He told me there are many pandits from whom I could learn too. He said Rudram might take 3-4 months. I might take his number.

Anyways now let’s get back to the part when I saw Swamiji putting so ash all over Lord Shiva. I was like what is he doing? Plus why is Lord naked?

I started thinking maybe forms are not for me, I might be an aspirant for the formless.

Anyways, finally the Abhisheka ends and Lord asks – Would you guys like a discourse or bhajans?

Everyone said bhajans and Swamiji moved towards the piano. I was like – Man do I want to run like hell !

You see I wasn’t a fan of Swamiji’s singing (the reason was simple. I used to hear it online before and that wasn’t as good in comparison to hearing him sing right in front of you, but man did my opinion soon change) and now he won’t even give a discourse 🤯

Little did I know! Little did I know!

The Unpromised Discourse 

He sat down to sing but started giving a discourse on Lord Shiva’s marriage. 😢❤️

Man was it beautiful, hilarious, memorable and 11 other adjectives! 

He kept repeating the word ‘Digambar’ and someone beside me told me it meant ‘naked ‘. 

As soon as he gave the background story, I swore to myself, next time I do a yajña, I will definitely give an ahuti of Lord Digambar. 

You see I have highest regard for Yogis who aren’t bound by these cages of bone and flesh,we call bodies. 

Sri Ramakrishna moved around butt naked in front of his devotees many times.

He isn’t bound by shame like us. 

His discourse suddenly put everything in order (that was going on during the Abhishekam) inside my stupid head which yearns for reasoning. 

Lord Shiva moved around with Ganas and Swamiji said that they convinced him not to go Digambar, and so they put on the foundation of ash covering his body. 😂

(At first I did not understand ‘foundation’ , but soon it clicked that it’s a part of a woman’s make up.) 

Lord Shiva ‘Well She knows who she’s marrying. What did she expect?” 

Ganas – ” Lord it’s not just about Her. Think about your Mother in law. It wouldn’t be appropriate.” 

Swamiji explained everything with such humour and fun. 

That explained why Swamiji covered Lord Shiva in ash. 

Even though people requested Bhajans, he saw inside our hearts and give the most beautiful discourse on Lord Shiva’s marriage. 

What’s impossible for Swamiji, I thought, the One whose one with the Universal consciousness. 

With the bondage of reasoning out of the way, my devotion started to take over. 

Gita verse explained. 

You see reasoning is represented by Sattva, but it binds you nonetheless. 

A golden chain is still a chain – says Swami Vivekananda.

In the Gita verse you see in the heading, Lord Krishna explains – 

O Arjuna! Born of Prakriti, the three Gunas, Sattva, Rajas, and Tamas bind the imperishable Jivatma in the body. (14.5)

Of these, sattva, being stainless, is luminous and healthful. It binds, Ο sinless Arjuna, by creating attachment to happiness and attachment to knowledge. (14.6)

You see there were many people in the crowd who didn’t question why do we bathe the Lord of the Universe and they enjoyed the Abhishek so much. Are they stupid? No.

They are not bound by a reckless habit of endless reasoning.

It is because of my Sattva, my reasoning alone, I was suffering. Swamiji saved me and I also came to understand the bondage of Sattva. 

After that Swamiji told us how every Devata neglected Mahadev during the wedding but not during Samudra Manthan when they needed him to drink the poison, but He being the Adiyogi didn’t mind. 

Our Swami sings 

He told us we shouldn’t follow the same conduct and offer him mental worship with different ingredients as he leaves after the weddings. I followed his order with the new found devotion in my heart. 

Then Swamiji started singing the Shiva Tandav Stotram and man was it beautiful. 

It wasn’t nowhere close to the singing which I previously heard online on os.me.live. It was so rhythmic and I closed my eyes as he sang and got a lil absorbed, offering mental worship to the newly wed. 

Probably the first wedding I enjoyed after a very long time. 

Swamiji instilled a new devotion in me towards the beautiful Ardhnarishwar Swaroopam and Lord Digambar. 

He ended the event by saving “The Divine is the greatest opiate of all. ” 

We saw Swamiji’s mother singing beautiful Punjabi bhajans which I didn’t understand. 

Humara ladka, reasoning ka maara 😂

I saw Diya di playing dhol (a musical instrument). When did she learn that? 

Anyways we got rudraksha malas as prasadam, man did everyone rush for it. Raghu Swami got a bit angry 😂

I sent one more prayer to Nandi ji for my Mother whose still in the hospital. 

Alright, I got go and try to call on Lord Shiva. It’s Maha Shiva Ratri. They say you shouldn’t sleep tonight and practice Sadhana. 

Thank you Swamiji for the beautiful beautiful discourse. 

May the Lord clear mind from the habit of endless reasoning! 

Jai Digambar! Jai Shri Ramakrishna!