Morning, Who Are Thee?

I’ve been waking up at 6 in the morning, and it feels like something is stuck in my eyeballs all day long.

Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating, let’s say until 2 pm.

Until then, a light fog envelops my brain, and I struggle to complete the most straightforward tasks.

I’ve been hyping myself up about the importance of starting the day early, you know, the adage, the early bird and all that, so why is it not working for me?

The sun comes up and shows its bright light through the curtains I purposely leave open to let my body wake up naturally, and that’s precisely what it does. “Ok, Elena, you are off to a good start. I got this!” I pray, make my mental gratitude list, stretch my arms and legs, do a few moments of pranayama and then roll out of bed.

Would you believe me if I told you it feels like I’m standing in front of a mountain, hoping it will get out of the way?

A little voice whispers stay in bed, you know how you get irritable through the day if you don’t get your sleep, and then the inner conversation starts.

But I know better than to listen to it.

I refuse to give into its negativity, “If the mind can think it, the body can achieve it,” someone said. I have a post-it in my office with these exact words. I usually refer to them when pushing myself through a challenging workout, for example. Because I love the inner space I am in afterwards.

You know the feeling, right?

And so here I go, rise and shine.
The coffee is brewing, and I’m anticipating how it will feel down my throat in a few minutes: nectar. Meditation is next because of inner peace. “You are doing great, Elena.”

Why isn’t the fog lifting, though?

I’ll be honest; no amount of caffeine gives me that jolt I wish to have to get pumped up and ready to go for the rest of the day. I even pondered about exercising at this awful hour, but oh no, please. The thought of unrolling the mat doesn’t bring up images of butterflies and rainbows. Late afternoon is when my body wants to move.

Maybe it was all those years spent as a flight attendant when my internal schedule was out of wack. I was assigned the international routes from New York to Italy and had to look fresh and spiffy from 6 pm until I reached Europe in the morning. This routine messed up my future self.

I loved it, though! Sleeping until 1 pm was the only way to feel rested and smiley while dealing with delays, passengers, and co-workers. Until I couldn’t take it anymore, but that’s for another story.

As the day drags, I see the sun come down the mountain outside my window. Warm light spreads on my computer and makes it look alive. An immense feeling of joy envelopes me, my body is finally awakened, and my mind is at its brightest.

This is when I get the most done, feel myself being me, and easily handle the things I put to the side a few hours before because I couldn’t deal with them. My phone’s wind-down timer reminds me that it’s time to shut things down and get ready for bed. Wait, wait, it’s only 10 pm. I follow its advice: close everything up, get my favourite book and curl up in bed. When I finally put it down and fall asleep is 2 am.

And… another foggy morning awaits.

When will I learn to catch the worm?

What about you?

Are you alert and ready to go as the sun rises, or do you prefer to stay up at night and under the covers in the morning?

Thanks for reading.