Musings on the road-side beggar

The time is 715 am in the morning. I get down the lift and walk my usual way. It is a set routine that takes me from one student’s flat to another student’s flat about 20 minutes away. My walking is unhurried. I have just finished taking a private session of yoga class for one of my students at his flat. As I walk towards the exit gate of the building, I see several kids that I guess could fall between age group of 5-14. These kids are getting ready for school bus. Some of the younger ones are accompanied by their mother, some are accompanied by father and then I notice that a few kids are accompanied by person who looks like a maid. The older ones are boisterous full of energy, chatting away with the boundless energy that only kids can display. I think to myself – the air is filled with such ripe positive energy thanks to the presence of so many kids. My morning that is already charged due to completed yoga session with my 1st student is now super-charged.

I have exited the building and now while I walk on the road, I notice a few eatery joints lining the path and selling poha, sheera and samosas and enticing passers-by heading for either home after a walk or heading for office to a sumptuous breakfast. Still ahead, there are joints selling wada-pav, bhajias and eggs/omlettes. I congratulate myself for resisting the temptation to buy anything. Yet the lure of these eatery joints plays every-time I walk that same road. I try to divert myself by seeking for other interesting things on the road Sadly, none of the other shops (that also remains closed due to the early time of day) or happenings on my path begs to pull my attention as much as the sight of these eateries. On certain days when my awareness or resolve weakens, I do end up buying something as parcel for later consumption purely due to the force of the immediate attraction. Later -when I eat it (either at home or in train), my mind feels let down when it is weighed against the force of attraction that I had sensed. And I think to myself, it is so easy to build up the hype in one’s own head and allow karma to take over. (It is the karma of hyped thoughts that builds progressively every-day that urges me to buy it one day suddenly even if I do not need it)

One hour passes and my second yoga session gets over. Time is around 845 am now. Now my road-walk is to the suburban local train station, and I am home-bound (I need to catch the “down” local train to reach my home a few stations away). As my footsteps reach closer to the station, I see throngs of people alighting from the station bridge, covering bulk of the narrow lane, leaving a tiny single lane for passer-by like me walking towards the bridge. These people walking in my opposite direction are mostly those who have struggled in a packed rush hour train and travelled by “up” train to reach this place where their office is situated. For most people, their body language on display is frantic with several of them even worried about being on time. I think to myself – O how lucky I am, to live in Mumbai and not be troubled by deadlines for reaching an office well in time. (You see, I get to work from home and have the flexibility to start late). The look on most of the faces is faraway probably all the while thinking of managing to reach office on time. It is this faraway look that makes them ignore or refusing to have any eye-contact with anyone that may reduce their speed of walk.

In this narrow lane that is bustling with throngs of people, I notice the beggar squatting on the street. Her face is hopefully turned towards the mass of people walking from the opposite end. Due to reasons deciphered earlier, most of the people ignore her except to ensure that they do not overstep on her by mistake. Since the beggar is looking the other way, she misses making eye contact with me as well. I also pass her by without doing anything. Yet my mind does not quit mulling over her. Beggars and my reactions to beggars are always a conflicting puzzle for me.

When I was younger, I was self-righteous person and refused to give in to beggar requests. My take was that I do not wish to encourage begging and my giving will be only encouragement for more begging. Indeed, often I used to judge many a beggar thinking that this or that beggar is so young or can make use of his or her body more productively finding some better work of studying etc. Aging a bit, my thinking started becoming more mature and sensitive to other aspects. I had begun to realize that the presence of a beggar is as important in human life as the presence of money with us. Over the years, I noticed that I was also a beggar in many ways. The only difference is that my beggar qualities were hidden and not visible to others. My begging was very personal and it was with my god. Internally I begged god several times in different ways – god get me that job, god help me reach that position or help me reach my dream travel destination, god- I want that thing in my life – please do something etc, etc.. You know how this goes- almost all of us are guilty of such begging internally.

It is just that when we end up achieving that something that we had begged for, we could afford to act as if we got it because of our efforts (since no one else know about it). Indeed, often we convince ourselves that God had no role in it. It is only when the next round of our want appears that we again start invoking the god. When things don’t get achieved the way we wish for, we find it easier to keep cribbing to God as if god is responsible for the obstacles. It is a funny human tendency where on one hand, we find it easy to blame God for all the obstacles placed in the path or for delaying us or even denying us from reaching our coveted want (refusing to acknowledge our own failing in the process). On the other hand, in-case we manage to get the coveted want easily, we readily choose to believe that it was our efforts and decision-making that got us the goal (refusing or denying the presence or hand of God in it). I am not saying that we do that every-time but humans tend to acknowledge god’s hand only in certain cases where one feels that nothing went as per what was planned and yet goal was achieved. As per human brain structure, this phenomenon represents “miracle” and is therefore worthy of being attributable to “God”.

It has taken me several years of brooding and multiple bouts of internal review to decide that even in those situations where we plan and things do go as per plan – there is certainly also a God’s hand. If we carefully observe- the world is filled with people with different physical structure, attributes and mental makeup. Again, the environment for all these people is also different. Someone may be born with the best physical health capable of being probably the best sportsman, yet the person may never see fame because he is born in an environment ridden with poverty wherein all his physical prowess is used only in alienating the poverty. He is rendered incapable of planning anything to showcase his talent to the world. The aspect of planning that we take pride for when things go our way, happens only because the environment favours us and we have been given the space (and time) to plan. Had circumstances been different, the mental space required could have been crammed with other pressing thoughts like trying to survive. Again -having presented one extreme thought, I also advocate to the self’s contribution to the success. Even after getting the necessary space, often people still tend to miss the opportunity due to getting swayed by distractions. It is here that self’s discipline in choosing to plan for success is also am equal contributor to the success and achieving of goal as the presence and Grace of God in blessing us with a conducive environment. When we are ridden with obstacles and we fail despite best planning in place, it is my theory that this happens because God is preparing us with learning/training for an upcoming situation. Afterall planning is possible only on basis of understanding (or knowledge) of risks and methods to overcome the risks. With obstacles and failures, we learn these faster. As Alva Edison inventor of the bulb mentions “Just because something doesn’t do what you planned it to do doesn’t mean it’s useless” or “I haven’t failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”

Thus went my internal churning thanks to the presence of a beggar on the street, till my thought returned to the beggar again. For any beggar I see today, I still have the residue of the old thinking that warns me:

·       just exit without bothering (run away from the drama), or

·       If you give today, the beggar will start expecting it from you every-time you pass the street (fear of becoming a victim)

·       The beggar is going to waste the money (judgement)

Yet my wiser thoughts countering the above flows like this –

·       This beggar is physically begging and doing what I do internally.

·       When I can expect God to not judge me, let me also not judge why the beggar is begging or how she plans to use the money.

·       If I can donate some money good, if not – let me not judge the beggar for doing what she knows as best in her given situation.

·       Can I open my tightly closed fist and release some money today – maybe the tighter I hold my fist, the more difficult or more obstruction I am creating for god’s grace to flow within me.

With such thoughts I sometimes open my purse for the beggar and sometimes do not. The times I do not, I just offer a silent prayer asking for blessings for both me and the beggar. After all it is a tall order to be capable of answering to a beggar’s call all the times and it does need a large heart and lots of blessings. Also, by being erratic, I feel that I am ensuring that beggars also learn to not expect something from me every-time I cross their path.

Earlier on, I had underlined that the beggar’s presence is very important. Now let me explain my rationale and theory. This is especially so since the beggars help us feel better about ourselves. It is their presence that makes us realize that we are surrounded by plenty. Of course, it is possible to look at richer people and keep cribbing that we are having so little. However, that just makes us miserable. I would tend to think that between choosing to “be miserable” and “being grateful”, choosing gratitude is a more enriching experience. That is why the presence of beggars are truly necessary for us. You may ask me – if we think thus then when can their life improve? I think it will improve the day we all manage to stop our internal begging for material fulfillment. That will be a true transformation that can also reflect in outside world. Till the time we keep begging inside, the beggars will remain on the outside as a reminder.