My Fragile Heart-3

Jai Sri Hari dear osme family. Warm hugs to all of you. I hope everyone is doing fine.

In this post I want to write about people I met during my journey of healing. There were innumerable people whom I met in this journey, and some of them really helped me a lot to get a hold back on my life. Some were people I wish I never met; some I wonder if I met sooner.

All these years, I went to numerous therapists. I first went to a therapist many years back when I had a nervous breakdown and life had started looking acutely meaningless, dark and gloomy. But at that time the psychologists were of very little help. Since then, I visited and tried many psychologists, but none were very helpful. Whatever I learnt about my mental and emotional condition was by me alone.

My father used to consider going to a therapist as some luxury. I myself did not consider visiting a psychologist as beneficial because of no particularly good experiences with them. But even when I used to insist, he was not very convinced by the need for a therapist. But things changed. And now I have found a really good therapist in my own city and he is helping me out of the trap I had created for myself. What I have understood about therapy is that it can help you if you are ready to help yourself.

Whenever I feel low or sad, I book an appointment with him. I go to him and listen to him and I feel better. He is not a particularly money-minded doctor and does not charge heavy fees yet is the best in the city. He does a lot of charity, is knowledgeable and has a happy family life which inspires me. I am grateful to have met him.

I also went to numerous psychiatrists in various cities. Initially, some of them gave me a heavy dose of meds but later I switched to other doctors who prescribed a very balanced dose. Psychiatrists can sometimes misdiagnose and prescribe wrong or imbalanced dose of medicines as the whole process of prescribing meds is dependent on trial and error and it can take a lot of time and efforts before the right doctor prescribing the right medicines in the right doses can be found. Sometimes not always.

I started taking meds again a few weeks back. My psychiatrist is good and his meds started showing positive effects on me almost instantaneously from the day I first started taking them. Of course, the meds work on me because I work and have worked on myself. Only then can medicines help effectively control a torrential mind.

In situations like mine, all kinds of help and support needs to be taken and a willingness to heal is required. And in order to heal me, over the years we went to many “mystical” people-people in hilly regions who were known to invite Devi-Devtas into their bodies, people who worshipped certain gods and lifted their palanquins, astrologers and other such people.

I went to people who claimed to be in exalted state of inviting Devi-Devtas into their bodies. When the devi/devta arrived in them, their manner and tone changed but none of them could do anything to help me. My parents made me drink water, raw rice and other prasads and offerings given by these people in order to heal me. But it didn’t help. I went to the people who lifted palanquins of gods, where the residing deity inside the palanquin supposedly gesticulated, telling people about themselves, the reason for their problems and heal them. It is called a Doli in Hindi, and is an old tradition in Pahadi regions in Uttrakhand and other places. But, they too weren’t helpful. I went to all such kinds of people. None were helpful at all. All this added more to the confusion.

All these years, I went to numerous astrologers too but I didn’t find any particular help from there except one or two who were really knowledgeable and knower of this vidya in its deepest essence. Swamiji said in his astrology workshop that 95 percent of all astrologers are not worth the time and money. Only a handful have mastery over this vidya which I found true even in my experience.

Only a handful of such people could do anything that proved beneficial to me and helped in my healing. I went to one siddha astrologer who had some siddhis and many ancient statues at his home. He could astonishingly tell the names of my ancestors and could tell many things about me and my family. His guidance also helped me.

By this time to seek answers to life’s questions and dilemmas I myself dived into the ocean called astrology. I wanted answers to why things were happening the way they were? Are they supposed to happen the way they were? My experiences and understanding in astrology will be the topic for my next post.