My Ongoing, Imperfect Acts of Letting Go

A list of everything my mind and I went through last week – 

I own my actions: What I do, and what I am, and what I will be is because of my actions and mine alone. Where does surrender fit in?

There’s no such thing as complete surrender: If I surrender completely, then what happens if I stop taking action? What does surrender even mean? Does it mean I sit back and relax? 

An excuse for lethargy: What if I am guilty of not taking action when I had to, and in effect use surrender as an excuse?

I don’t deserve this: There are others who are more worthy recipients of His grace. 

It was a mistake: At some point the imposter in the room will be found. 

Since it’s a mistake, it is temporary: And since it is temporary, it is better to not open up or surrender.

What if I am mistaken when I feel His Grace? What if it’s not his grace really but just a figment of my imagination?

But, 

What if I just stop thinking and let go? And what if I distance myself from my mind?

And what if in just letting go, lies all that there is to surrender.

And what if it is that simple.

And that easy. 

And that calm.

And,

What if I just be?