My quest for an intoxicant-free life

My father says he always wanted me to see whatever he is doing. At least, this is the reason with which he justifies the time when he used to send me to paan shops to buy his cigarettes and other tobacco products, from the time I was in class 1 or 2, no matter what time of the day or night it was. I used to loathe the idea of intoxicants for what disruption they had brought to my family. I thought I will never ever touch these things. My mom says she is never able to believe that I too have started consuming such substances.

When I went to college, I was avoiding the company of those people who were into all these things but sooner did I realize that eighty percent of the college was into it. I was suicidal all that while and in intense suffering one day, I drank my first beer. Soon I started smoking cigarettes and then weed. Today, I have become too used to smoking cigarettes. 

I am not an addict to weed or alcohol. I remember the time when even the idea of ‘trying’ alcohol didn’t come to my mind but now I am battling with this demon to “try” all kinds of alcohol even though I loath the taste or the experience of it. I am neither one of those who are proud of their capacity to drink and handle alcohol, nor do I want to increase it, in fact, even when it’s just beer, my body shuns it and I feel like vomiting. I am not able to tell myself that it’s okay to not try everything available in the market and it’s absolutely to my benefit to quitting these substances as soon as possible.

I have been to numerous fortune-tellers in my life searching for answers and validation and although, now I don’t go to any of them, but until some time back I used to get insecure from time to time, so, I once contacted a Tarot card reader and asked her ‘would I be able to quit my addictions?’

To this she replied, I can quit smoking but as far as other intoxicants are concerned I may not be able to quit them. Although I am not addicted to anything except cigarettes as yet but I felt bad about what she predicted because I want to see myself as a sattvic person in the future who is living his life in simplicity. At present, I am not.

I have consumed all the usual intoxicants, and out of confusion, frustration, attachment, craving, or curiosity, I am not able to quit them. But I want to quit it, although, for many like me, it’s very difficult to commit something like this.

For someone who drinks coke or tea and to tell them that from now on for all your life never taste Coke or tea again it gets very difficult to commit something like that. You start missing it already. Quitting intoxicants is something like that but on another level, because it causes severe biological cravings in your brain. 

I tell myself that I really can quit addictions for a lifetime if I try sincerely enough because:-

A. I have my Guru’s grace with me and He is watching. Bhagavan is Watching and with His grace, even the impossible is possible if one is sincere

B. For a very long time I used to think that I’ll never be alright and heal from my mental afflictions but miraculously I healed after Swami came into my life. If I can recover from mental disorders, I can also quit my base tendencies.

C. Tarot, astrology, etc. are all probability theories as Swami himself tells. Nothing is set in stone. So for me not quitting intoxicants is just a probability. I can strive and take another door to freedom.

These fortune tellers have said varied things about me, some scary, some normal, some unique. Who is right or wrong I do not know, neither can I know and foresee the future, so, I have left them like that, and I will leave this prediction about addiction too.

Only two things can happen,  either these things will come true or they will not and I will be a direct witness to the happenings. Only time will tell. I have faith in Swami now over anything else after all what fear should one have if one has Swami in their life. If I’m sincere, I know His grace can change me for good.