My Struggle With Spirituality

I struggle with spiritual health. My struggle is not so much with spirituality as it is with maintaining spirituality and knowing what it means. To me an important aspect of being spiritual means remaining mindful and taking the higher path when faced with decisions or choices or reactions. And that is a challenge. Too often I am tempted to take the easier path and do so even though I know that it is not the path my higher self would choose. 

Another challenge is discipline and devotion. Maintaining the discipline of daily rituals and doing it with devotion is something I struggle with it. Too often I find myself slipping into a mechanical way of chanting or doing the rituals as a chore rather than out of devotion. 

Then of course there is sloth. Staying awake as I chant or meditate has been a huge struggle. I have tried various ways to overcome this but it remains a challenge. 

And last but not the least, there is the monkey mind questioning whether there is a need for this struggle. What if life is just meant to be lived to the best of our abilities? What if that is all there is to life? No nirvana to attain because we are already in nirvana. We just need to stay mindful to experience it. What if everything is nirvana or as I read somewhere – it is life experiencing itself; we are life experiencing itself? If that is true, then everything is holy including the bits we are repulsed by. What if accepting that is nirvana? Understanding or defining spirituality is another challenge that bothers me.