My Struggle with Standing Up Against Sexual Abuse

‘Random’ was his name. I recently joined my first job in a call centre. It paid decently, but it wasn’t the best environment to start with. Being shy and struggling while talking to anyone, you might wonder what in the world was I doing in a call centre. During the training exercise, one of the high-ranking superiors was eying me suspiciously. He would often pass my seating area; too often. His eyes were suggestive. I was 18 years old, scared and a coward. The way he looked at me.. recalling that still makes me so angry. 

He started texting me, on simple grounds. I had to answer as he was my superior. I knew his intent, but how to say ‘no’. I took longer than usual to reply to his texts and calls. Out of the blue, I was convened to the HR department. I was sweating, my legs were shaky and I had great difficulty breathing. There had been rumours that the company will be thinning out people from the survey campaign. I didn’t want to be transferred back to the old campaign which consisted of selling insurance. 

“Your performance has not been up to the level these days and if this continues, I am afraid that we will have to fire you.”

“But I have been constantly fulfilling my daily quotas and going beyond many times.”

“I have been clear. This is not a conversation. This is a warning. You may leave.”

I stood and started for the door. Being transferred was the least of my worries, I had to retain my job. On instinct, I decided to turn back and speak to the HR manager. My hand froze on the handle of the door, the door slightly ajar, I witnessed the amiable camaraderie between Random and the HR manager. The cry of the injustice of my soul at that moment… I felt betrayed, and I felt angry at God.. “isn’t it over? You haven’t had enough? How much more will you inflict on me?” Random saw me and gave me a cunning jeer. I knew instantly that I was being coerced to yield to his demands. It was not about work, it was everything except work. 

I was struggling day and night. I couldn’t concentrate at work anymore. I held my stomach and cried in bed. Random called and let me know that he would set everything right. I just have to come to his place. I couldn’t even talk, I was trembling from head to toe. I couldn’t speak to anyone. There was no one.

Going back to these memories, I see the struggles of a young guy who was not empowered to deal with any situation. I am a coward. I couldn’t leave work. What could I do? Going to the police and I would be all over the media and I would certainly be blacklisted by most employers. 

I struggle with the guilt for not standing up for myself at that time. I left the job and remained unemployed for over 6 months. When you don’t have a morsel in the house, it is not an option you can envisage. 

Don’t make this subject taboo. Teach your children not to tolerate sexual victimisation. Your mental health will be destroyed. Do not yield.