Naa umru ki seema ho na janmo ka ho Bandhan…

My infinite salutations to Master…After a long time I am trying to scribble something  again. Truth is that I exactly don’t know what to write but I am trying desperately to  tell something..Offlately I am going through a lot of mental pressure. As Guru ji says.. it’s all man made. Means I am solely responsible for al these.A mixture of thoughts,  feelings and emotions are covering  me. Sometimes I try hard to not to get affected by them sometimes I get affected.  Due to continuous shooting I am tired, restless .I was absent from gym for almost 27 days  due to sht. My body got stiff. My blood pressure fluctuated. My dose of medicine increased. My cholesterol level also increased. My uncle who is also a doctor said that the cholesterol thing is genetic and said me that due to hypertension and BP  you can not do weight lifting exercises.  You can only do walking , cycling n all. But I knew that I neglected myskf completely .Eating pattern, sleeping pattern n all..I am confessing. And.. Bingo I got the Saturday post of Beloved Master…  Felt ..it was for me. Another confession…please bear with me. The shooting I am doing right now is a remake of the mega serial Imliey which is telecasting on star. So I started watching the original on Hotstar.  And I got addicted to the serial. i mean  generally I don’t watch them but I liked this one..I liked the actors performance,  editing,screen play and al. So I started watching it continuously. Bad habit.. I know.. The temptation is there. Everyday I make sure to complete my sadhnas no matter what but then I jump to see the series. During the shoot, at home every where …I know it’s bad. Am working on it. I mean it’s really hard to break all conditioning and to rise above it. And your work, environment, surrounding matters. The Divine will take me slowly…I have faith. And the thoughts sometimes distract me  .sometimes when I am angry, agitated, depressed  I ask.. still where is God?? May be because it is also a conditioning of our religion.to see God in the manifested form. Whatever it is. Guru will lead me.. by taking my hand and I will cross this ocean…