People Will Say This and That; Let Them

My mother’s brother(Mama) had an inter-religious and inter-racial marriage. He is a charmingly handsome man, so I wonder how girls must have swooned over him, in his younger phase. My aunt, his wife, is a Manipuri Christian, and they get along well, or so I think with all the information I have about them, for Mama is a gentleman and knows how to behave in front of others. Not denied, that they may have their difference of opinions or clashes as every couple has. Still, their response to such situations must be scintillating towards harmony, which seems to have kept their marriage strong for more than twenty years.

And they are good parents as well, with their daughter turning out to be a talented, young individual, always reserved but seemingly always consumed with obeying her parents and doing her duties. However, this is my impression of her, for she doesn’t speak much, and have met her on annual occasions with limited interaction. But, I can feel she is in the right direction.

I was around two or three years old when they got married, and I remember sitting in someone’s lap in the backseat of the car, heading towards the beautiful venue of their wedding reception. Everyone must have enjoyed it, but reserved narrow minds were there to whisper about the vast differences between the bride and groom, many didn’t like this union, but still, they married and ended up getting well together, choosing each other over anyone else. 

I was watching an Instagram reel of Jay Shetty and his wife Radhe, in which she says that when she gets angry, she starts to blurt at him angrily, and within three seconds, Jay finds a response to divert that behavior, and hilariously she doesn’t even get enough time to be angry. Clearly, Jay seems to be an outstanding person, and his training as a monk with his Guru- Radhanath Swami’s grace has really blessed him in life.

Many people in love marriage, marry despite the various forms of hardships they face along the way- horoscopes not matching, family not agreeing, etc. and this I find really worth respect provided their love’s true. Swamiji in his astrology workshop, especially pointed out, that if you’re doing a love marriage, it is better to leave the kundli alone, for what’s left after you’ve actually chosen someone? Consulting astrology then would only create doubts and confusion.

He also said, that it is actually good to marry someone, who is different from you in terms of genes, because then with the culmination of two new gene sets, a new kind of mixed gene will form, and the progeny could have the attributes of both the parents, which sometimes also leads to the upgrading and the progeny could be having better attributes than the parents themselves. Similarly, it is said, that one should not marry within the same DNA, like someone who is already related to us, or within the same “gotra”(ancestral lineage) for it can result in progenies with defects. However, I am not sure how much of this would be true, or at least statistically true, always.

I have seen couples marrying despite their horoscopes not matching at all. With just four points out of thirty-six, and a disastrous marriage predicted, they faired well in life, with a happy family life. Clearly, some systems of astrology are obsolete. And this gives me courage, which I want to share with those readers, who are doubting along the same lines- who want to make it work with someone, yet doubt, or are afraid. My parent’s horoscopes matched, yet I have not seen a more unhappy married life for all involved. Everything will be fine if you truly love someone, for it finds its way. Someone said to me once that what truly belongs to you would find its way to you, and if doesn’t it was never truly yours. I find this thought beautiful.

A society’s dictum, or somebody’s reservations, or a piece of paper does not decide the fate of your marriage, your efforts do, your understanding with them does. There have been many instances where marriages have prospered despite a failure in kundli-matches, and vice-versa. There have been tons of examples, where what society restrained you turned out to be wise, and so have been instances where it was wiser to hear and abide by one’s inner calling. So, there is no hard-and-fast unified principle that will work always.

All we can do is have faith that He and She are looking after us. The Lord & The Empress of the world, which reminds me of how one of my friends said sometime back how good it would be if we had an angel with us, who would tell us, what to do next. The inner voice is that angel to which we need to learn to listen, then even if fail, it will feel inconsequential, and we will be back on our feet to try again. Swamiji is an angel to us, and so are Ma, and Sri Hari. I am trying to listen more to them, and it’s a very long journey, but at worst I would fail in relationships, career, health, and life at large or will I win them over with my sincerity? There is no one recipe, no one route map; for every taste, every life’s journey, every case is different.