Quality of Life, Not Quantity of Life

It was just 8 weeks ago.

Life, as I always saw it, was moving ahead with its normal mundane flow, commas and pauses. A wedding in the family beckoned us. The expectation and excitement of it all consumed our senses. We knew it would be the last wedding in our household perhaps for many many years to come……..

My dear wife, Lekha, was being irritated by a mild fever and a dull headache for a couple of days. We decided to go ahead with all the wedding festivities and then visit a general medical practioner.

Our appointment in the hospital was for a viral fever check. The doctor did prescribe some antibiotics to subdue the fever and body ache. Oddly he also told my wife to take a CBC test to rule out other infections. We did not think much of it.

We were to meet the doctor again the next morning with the blood report. Strangely the report was not sent to us however was forwarded to the doctor instead. It surely baffled us.

We walked into the doctor’s room. There he sat with the report. He looked at my wife and said ” What is all this?” My wife was puzzled and enquired what he was referring to.

Dr. Amarnath showed her the report and there it was ‘ Acute Myloid Leukemia”

For a few moments we were bemused and flabbergasted reading those three words. My immediate thought was of the movie “Anand” wherein the protogonist, Rajesh Khanna, is diagonized with the same disease. Talk about ignorance!

Then the dark truth hit us like a tornado. Our lives were falling apart into pieces. How could this happen at all ? Lekha led a very pious, disciplined life to add to her meditation and spiritual practices. Being a career woman she had pressures at work. We had even visited Badrik Ashram 3 years ago and marvelled at the ambience and peace of its environment. A personal darshan of Om Swami was so satisfying. A staunch Shridi Baba bakth as well, she had a clean CBC report just six months back. We did ask the doctor. However he said diseases like AML can emerge in a few weeks.

This personal crisis transformed my mindset. Honestly I was a bit self centered during our married life and did not demonstrate as much sensitivity or compassion in my relationship with my wife. Amid during many of the sombre moments post her diagnosis, I realized how much she loved me and how she had sacrificed her wants and desires to keep me happy and content.

This was an opportunity for me to give everything of myself from the heart. Lekha deserved every bit of care that I could give her. Which I did. I hardly slept for the first 30 days as I got up every hour to give her water as hydration was critical. Her bouts of constant cough kept me alert and nervous. We were in the hospital for 2 weeks as emergency care was required. Transfusions and IV continued through the day and night. It was relentless.

As I write this, Lekha is stable and her health indicators are showing some positive signs. Her counts are still up and down. She suffers through blood and Chemo transfusions, loss of appetite and immense tiredness. I pray that she does not suffer pain. Every day is a challenge. It is now ” Quality of Life, not Quantity of Life”

Keep Lekha in your prayers !

Jai Sri Hari