Raajsik Sangat

After getting married and having kids my conditioned mind thought of a particular pattern in which we must lead our life that was spending quality time as family ,laughing together,watching movies together on weekends ,visiting malls as a family twice a month or eating in restaurants monthly. As well an ideal husband for me was a reflection of my father who would change nappies of our babies,sing them lulla byes,take them alone in his lap for garden walks or teach them animal sounds. The loving inlaws as embibed from Sooraj barjaatiya movies would be cooking before I came from office or sending us to out of station trips keeping our kids and really appreciating my parents for giving be Sanskaars! When in original none of the above happened I started finding solace in discussing and sharing it for hours with my school friends ( women who were in similar relationship/ situations/ expectations) or with My kids class mates moms or with Bus stop co picking ladies or even the Skating waiting moms( when our kids skated .The main topics of discussion were how we were over exploited ,not appreciated, not pampered or co existence without concern from co existing souls ! Instead of some mature one guiding each other to look at the positives ;I always had a very hardworking, truthful and loyal husband! My inlaws were never greedy and were always non scheemy aswell I had healthy kids( working closely with sick kids and parents, I know what a blessing it is)  Aswell we had our own house with me not worrying ever for how to pay electricity, water ,telephone bills or how to buy ration ,get petrol for car or deposit kids fee! We had washing machine, fridge ,a.c and part time house help too after initial 2 years of marriage but no body in my circle was wise enough to see these blessings and count on them for their own lives too. We could always pay for our medications, insurance and send kids to hobby classes.With extremely good eating habits of having most simple food at right time without complaining…was it not a heavenly environment still My Rajsik company and my Tamsik tendencies dint let me enjoy small pleasures as my kids b.day or their birth. Even if it was not in my mind they instigated me see how your mother inlaw and sister in law wear best of clothes ,jewelry and get pictures clicked on your kids b.day and u r neglected or subdued at that time! Oh how foolish and full of ego was I too feel hurt and exploited! Since Swamiji came in our life and then sent Satsangees and co seekers who made me realize it’s my own ego ,mental conditioning and expectation which were making me feel low or teary all the time! I tottaly stopped gossiping ( sharing information) with anyone even my mom! In there pampering, love or pity they made me feel vulnerable and bechari! People I live with and circumstances I deal with haven’t changed much but my attitude, wisdom and company make me feel the pain/ insult/ struggle/ comments 30% than before and for only 30% time than earlier! Sadhna as I understood is being better version of oneself! I m trying mindfully with baby steps !