Ram, Ram, Ram…where Are You, Lord Hanuman?

When the logical mind takes over, faith can come collapsing down. It happens to humans when something does not make logical sense to them.

I am an example of this.

In the realm of my limited mind, I often tried to contemplate the possibility of Lord Hanuman’s presence in multiple places to address billions and perhaps infinite, non-stop prayers of his devotees in the Universe.

I often wondered if he sits somewhere externally, and at what possible physical plane for my voice to reach out to him. Yes, it happens in dire straits and desperation…

You can well imagine this was my fearful, logical mind trying to make sense of the external physical presence of God.

I must admit that sometimes, I groped to find my true faith amidst this world of business and logic; most times cut and dry, where my spiritual approach was often mocked of. I swung between the feeling of misfit on one end and self-doubt on the other end of the spectrum. Harsh environments have the potential to inflict this confusion. And that’s where being at the center of Sadhana helps.

At last, I distanced myself from this confusion, accepted my authentic self, and embraced others’ way of living at the same time, with non-judgment.

This worked wonders- I am happy, and you are happy!

Going back to the point…

However many times I accepted that God is within, it slipped through the cracks leading me back to square one, until that day when…

I bawled my eyes out sitting across my shrine looking straight into Hanuman ji’s eyes in the picture I have of his. I was probing about what was keeping him away from my calls to visit and help.

Tears can be soulful, right? Mine blinded me for a bit and then brought sparkling clarity.

So, I placed my hand on my heart to point Lord’s attention to the pain I was feeling and suddenly, I realized his presence in ‘my heart.’

Yes, ‘my heart!’

Oh, it was my breakthrough moment! A profound, real metamorphic breakthrough. As if my struggle of years in understanding how he can pay me a visit when so many are calling him, vanished into thin air.

This revelation that Sri Ram, Maa Sita, Laxman ji and Lord Hanuman, Baba Neem Karoli are sitting in my heart was a moment of ‘epiphany.’

And then….

💫 I instantly, virtually decorated my heart with a nice, warm ambiance, and started to take better care of my body knowing that Lord is residing inside of me.

💫 I stopped trying to articulate my prayers in perfect writer’s pitch for I knew when God is sitting in my heart, he is listening to my soul, which sometimes even I do not have access to.

💫 I started to place my hand on my heart while praying to Lord Sri Ram and Hanuman ji.

💫 I did not have to worry to adjust my tone anymore fearing the frailty in my voice, and I could rather whisper a ‘pranam’ with my eyes closed and attention centred on my heart.

And tell you a secret that you may not like but may empathize with…

When I had moments of loss and grief, I even thumped my chest once to wake him up to my calls. But those painful moments woke me up instead to immediately realize that ‘humility’ is the essence of worship and prayers. Though in love and devotion, human selfishness can creep in, especially in distress, it’s a roadblock a persistent devotee eventually crosses over, with the blessings and love from God.

Prayers are not the entitlement to receive and hoard but are sincere expressions of love, trust, and faith.

I gave myself the mandate to say, “I pray to you lord, to widen and deepen your place in my heart and strengthen my faith.”

I recalled a story I heard once…

When Lord Shani wanted to take over Hanuman ji on account of Sade Saati (Saturn’s 7.5 years period), Hanuman ji told him that each cell of his is occupied by “Lord Sri Ram” so there is no place for anyone else to occupy.

Whether this story is real or fiction it does well up my eyes on account of the sheer devotion of Lord Hanuman to Lord Sri Ram. Now, I know that the Lord occupies my heart, so there is no reason to look for him externally or wait for his visits to me.

Jai Sri Ram 

Jai Hanuman ji 

Jai Baba Neem Karoli ji