Reflections on Guilt, Continued

Guilt, Anger, Shame, Fear, Hatred:

Arises because I have:
Preconceived and preconditioned notions of what I should do.
Preconceived and preconditioned notions of what environments are preferable.
Preconceived and preconditioned notions of what outcomes (from actions) are preferable.

Arises also, because I do not have:
Complete control over my actions.
Complete control over my environment (both inner and external).
Complete control over outcomes of actions.

How to avoid Guilt, Anger, Shame, Fear, Hatred:

Increase control over what I can do.
Reduce my own mental entropy, by not reacting but consciously acting. Baby steps. Start with simple tasks.

Preconceived notions are useless, discard. Stop preferring outcomes based on preconceived notions and acting accordingly.
Use observation and experience. Record results, and read previously recorded results by others.

Use observation and gain knowledge to understand what actions are viable/inviable in situations.

Gain knowledge to increase the range of what you can do.
Or hire/let/watch other people having more skills in that field take charge. Once you do so, pay close, undivided attention to their expertise.

Ultimately the decision maker is me. Facer of outcomes is also me.
To act on the basis of what others will think or how they will react might have been viable if I had mastered the ability to consistently predict my own reactions and thoughts in advance.

Even so, I don’t have the ability to consistently predict the reactions and thoughts of others.
Thus it’s inherently unwise to act on my idea of how I am perceived by other actors.

What makes me happy? Knowing that I have successfully spent time and energy making others happy definitely does. But it’s not just happiness, it’s happiness mixed with a sense of accomplishment. Like my time and energy are better spent doing something else, but look at how brave or noble I am, spending it for you.

This is not the correct way.
This is not something to be accomplished. Nor do I have an infinite bank balance of time or energy or money.
Even if I did, no matter how much time or energy or money I spend in this way, the happiness of others and myself brought about in such a manner is temporary at best.
So?
Spend time and energy and money making myself happy.
Okay, when am I happy? Well, I am quite happy when I have shelter, food, and spend time with myself. I definitely do enjoy my company, and if the place I’m in is an energy-filled heaven, all the better.
Are there grades of happiness? Sure. It’s an energy thing. More energy at stake, more happiness released. Too much energy and things might get risky. Or at least tiring after a while. Controlled bursts, not all out at once then long gaps. 

Throw the training wheels away, or you’ll never learn how to ride. In fact, they can be an impediment. What are my impediments? My unwillingness to explore myself.
Why unwilling? I am happy by myself. Follows I should explore me. I explored books that made me happy, songs, movies, people and so on.
Why unwilling?
Fear, unknown.
Why fear the unknown? It’s me.
It’s not like it ceases to exist if I don’t pay attention.
Then why not pay attention?

Don’t be the proverbial ostrich. Sticking my head in the sand won’t make the ‘predator’ disappear.

Scared of its own shadow,
Bucephalus neighed and reared
Where are you running to, untamed one?
You cannot outrun yourself!
Hiding from the sun won’t remove it, friend
It’ll grow larger and merge with others
And you may never find it again.
Stay in the light, dear untamed one.
Face your own shade.

Enough hiding. Time to hunt.

Picture 1: https://pixabay.com/photos/wild-horse-horse-nature-mammal-3608303/   (Pixabay)
Picture 2: https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/26197608-2376-46e9-bce9-fba0d60ff8ba         (getyarn.io)