Relationless Relationship…

Relationless Relationship…
सब मुझमे स्थित है, मै उनमें नही।-SrimadBhagvadgita 9.4.

The meaning of relationship is the state of getting connected or related. In sanskrit it is called ” सम्बन्ध:”  ( सम्+ बन्ध:= complete adhesion/ bond/ tie.)

According to the law of reincarnation and law of karma, relationships in our life are initiated and maintained by our karma in previous and current lives. It is the cause and effect phenomenon going on since time immemorial.

Our family members, friends, relatives, coworkers, etc are the people; we are related or connected with many factors like blood/ birth, karma, money, emotions, etc. They come in our life to clear the respective debts (to complete the unfinished work/tasks/plans from previous lives). Because of these binding factors;  we get entangled in various relationships with the things and beings in our life; which is the most common excuse; people use for not having time for spiritual/ inward journey.

If you take loan from the bank to build the house, you have to mortgage it till you pay the last rupee of the debt to that bank. You are related/ connected with the bank with the factor of money. This is the commencement of the relationship between you and the bank.  Once debt gets cleared, your house and you are free from the connection with the bank. The drama of ‘give and take and repay’ ends.

To come out of worldly connections is not so easy because it involves more complex and subtle binding factors like desires, emotions, etc.

So; how to travel the spiritual path without getting affected or distracted by the various relationships of attachments and aversions in our life?

Our scriptures don’t ask us to give up any relationship. In fact; they say, even a householder can travel the spiritual path with success.
Relationship needs at least two entities and the factor of binding between them; to happen. That means every relationship binds us in some or other way. There is a beautiful concept of “relationless relationship”, which, if understood and followed well, can help us live free from any attachments. It is being in relationships still not getting affected by its binding factors.

Swami Chinmayanandaji has explained this concept of  ” Relationless Relationship”( संबंधरहीत संबंध), in his commentary on Bhagvad gita.
Verse 4, chapter 9 says,
मया ततमिदं सर्वं जगदव्यक्तमूर्तिना।
मत्स्थानि सर्वभूतानि न चाहं तेष्ववस्थितः।।9.4।।
All this world is pervaded by Me in My unmanifest aspect; all beings exist in Me, but I do not dwell in them.
यह सम्पूर्ण जगत् मुझ (परमात्मा) के अव्यक्त स्वरूप से व्याप्त है। सर्व भूतमात्र मुझमें स्थित है, परन्तु मैं उनमें स्थित नहीं हूं।।

To understand this concept, we have to know the difference between ‘real I’ and ‘ unreal I’. 

‘Real I’ is the Nondual Self ( Sat Chit Ananda). It is our true nature. As IT is the ‘One without second’, there is no question of any relationship for IT. (Because relationship needs at least two entities)

‘Unreal I’ is the Self identifying with the BMI out of the ignorance of own true nature. So as this unreal I/ ego, identifies with the BMI, it considers himself and others as the limited jivas ( all conditioned with their respective BMI). Thats why this ego (he/she) establishes many relationships with others and hence suffers.
‘Real I’ doesn’t get involved in the drama played by the BMIs and goverend by the triguna maya. It only supports or enlivens all the drama. In fact; it is the only substratum upon which whole worldly drama goes on.
‘Real I’ is independent and the only existant principle. But ‘unreal I’ is dependent upon the ‘real I’ for its existance.

Thus ‘Real I’ doesn’t have any relationship with the ‘unreal I’. But as ‘unreal I’ is dependent upon the ‘real I’, they seem to be related with each other. ( Relationless relationship)

“सब मुझमे स्थित है, पर मै उनमें नहीं।”
These statements by Lord seems paradoxical but they are not….In fact they are supportive to each other.

To understand this concept, we will take the help of  “rope and snake” analogy. ( rope and snake are always ready to help us clear many concepts in vedanta.😊)

In the twilight (neither sufficient light nor the complete darkness), a man considers the rope as a snake and suffers. When sufficient light comes, he sees rope as a rope and his sufferings end.

What is the relation between the rope and the snake in this analogy?
Rope is  real  but the man misapprehended it as the snake because of the insufficient light. When light came, he saw rope as the rope.
Rope was real. Snake was unreal.
The rope alone exists and it has no concern at all whether one considers it as rope or the snake.
But existence of the snake( may it be for short duration), depends upon the rope. Had there been no rope, the man would not have seen / superimposed snake over it.
If the rope could speak, it would have spoken- ” The snake was in me….but I was not in the snake.” ( because of me or  within me , the snake appeared. But I didn’t need snake for my existance. Snake was (appeared) in me/ सांप मुझमें स्थित था, but I was untouched by it/मै सांपमे नहीं था।)
So is there a relationship between rope and the snake?
Rope was real but the snake was unreal/ illusory. That means only rope alone was there and relationship needs at least two entities. So , there can not be any relationship between them from the point of the rope. But to exist for even a temporary period, snake needed the substratum of the rope. Its existence was dependent upon the rope. So there was the relationship from the point of the snake. But as the snake was illusory, the very relationship is also illusory. This is the relationless relationship. ( Relation between Real and unreal.)

In this verse, Lord explains His unmanifest/Real nature (Para Brahman invisible to the senses).
Everything ( the world/ Jagat) dwells in this transcendental Para Brahman. That means jagat has no independent existence without Parabrahma which is the support for everything and  underlies everything. Just as without the rope, snake has no existence( although temporary.)
Unmanifest Brahman is the Infinite substratum upon/in  which whole world appears /exists for temporary period (as it arises, stays and get destroyed) but It doesn’t get touched by any material object of this finite world. (सब मुझमें स्थित है। मै उनमें नही।)

Another example is of the space. Everything is in the space. But space doesn’t get touched by anything. so also unmanifest Para Brahman contains everything and yet It is  not touched by them. ( This is the meaning of असङग:/ asangha)

In short, what Lord says -All beings exist in Me, because no other abode of rest is available and I do not exist in them, because I do not depend on them for My existence.

The relationship is the expression of duality where the ego (Self identifying with BMI) suffers or enjoy because of its false notions of me and mine, you and yours.
But once one realises own nondual nature, the ego gets falsified. One then abides with his nondual nature and sees all the  relationshps as illusory. 
Realised ones remain in the relationless relationships with the world. They see whole jagat just as the illusory play where different types of BMIs/Egos are playing different roles governed by the three gunas of maya upon the self as the substratum . Thats why they are not affected by any happenings in this world.
(They live the Truth – “Everything is happening within Me / because of Me, but I am not involved in it/ I am not the part of it.)

Water alone manifests as wave. Wave depends upon the water to exist but water is not dependent upon the wave to exist. This means, wave is/exist in water, but water is not in the wave. Wave is the part of water but water is not the part of wave.
A big container can occupy the small but small container can not occupy the big. And as per vedanta, more subtler is the thing , more vast and pervading it is. The subtlest of the subtle is the Parabrahma and hence occupies and pervades all. 

Brahman alone manifests as the world. World doesn’t have independent existence apart from the Brahman. Thats why world exists in Brahman but Brahman doesn’t need world to exist.

Is the water in the ocean or the ocean in the water??

True answer is – Ocean is in the water. (Ocean consists of water. Ocean exists because of water. Water is independent of the ocean. Just like the wave is in the water, water is not in the wave.)

This concept of relationless relationship is very useful for us to live a life with detachment among the ‘n’ number of relationships. Have the relationships but don’t possess them. It will free us from any expectations and that is the only way to be at peace.
    Hari Om !