Relationship Bill of Rights

• I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect
• I have the right to follow my own values and standards
• I have the right to make friends and be myself around people
• I have the right to say no and not feel guilty
• I have the right to feel safe
• I have the right to take time for myself
• I have the right to change my mind
• I have the right to ask for what I want
• I have the right to ask for information
• I have the right to make mistakes
• I have the right to be me and feel good about myself
• I have the right to be understood and cared for
• I have the right to understand and care for whoever I choose
• I have the right to leave conversations with people who make me feel disrespected or humiliated
• I have the right to set boundaries in a relationship and make changes to improve the health of a relationship
• I have the right not to be responsible for others’ behavior, actions, feelings or problems
• I have the right to end a relationship
• I have the right to expect honesty from others — (this may lead to disappointment, it is better not to expect honesty from others. This line was in the original version I received. Refer Diya Ji’s nice explanation in comment section below. I agree with her.).
• I have the right to experience and express all of my feelings
• I have the right to be angry at someone I love
• I have the right to express my emotions in a healthy, constructive and non-threatening manner
• I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings, my judgments, or any reason that I choose
• I have the right to change and grow
• I have the right to be happy

There are many versions of it if you search in internet. This is in summary what is called Relationship Bill of Rights. A psychologist has given me this many years back. I don’t know from which book it was copied and I am not a mental health expert or psychologist. I am just telling what I learnt in hope it may help somebody else. If you feel threatened by any means please take help from an expert – you have the right to do that too.

Knowing this is the easy part. Difficult part is to apply this in your life. For me it was a real challenge back then.

“Things will get worse before they get better”

That’s what she told me repetitively. 

Stay calm, content, mindful before you even try to show your rights to somebody from him/her you feel vulnerable to.
As soon as you know or reminded about these rights your mind may want to go into a fight mode, will tend to shout : “This is my right, that is my right, etc.”. Then this becomes: “Things get worse before they get worst.”

Another very important thing is that when you have these rights, please do remember that the other person also have the same rights. Have full respect for that other person. Remember that nobody is perfect, and so not you too. 

No arguments please. Express your choice gracefully but firmly. Let go of any consequences that may arise, you must hold your ground strong.

Don’t get angry. Though at times you may need to show anger but that should not be an outburst, your emotion should be under your full control. Showing power should be done only with the intention of self-defence when a threat is very close to you. As soon as you lose control over your emotions, you lose the game and fall in the same cycle of grief and sufferings. 

Remember: “Things will get worse before they get better”. Better for you, better for that relationship, better for that other person. 

I failed in this game of life though at that time, I couldn’t understand clearly what it meant. Things started getting too worse and unbearable for me. Sometimes I felt confident about it and made my mind rock-solid strong but broke down with a blink of any eye. I could not continue. I had no knowledge of God, mediation, mindfulness and spirituality as a whole. Though spirituality is not a prerequisite for you to have these basic rights, but when your rights are violated, spirituality can help a great deal to keep you strong and focused – no matter what. I realized the importance of this much later in my life. So my urge for you is to get this right, sooner is better.

Rome was not built in a day. A healthy relationship also may take time to blend in togetherness, or you have to move on – you have the right to be happy – no matter what! This is NOT Selfishness. If you can’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of others (period).

Know your rights and respect others’. Please take care of yourself first.

Finally above all these what is needed most is the Faith in divine Mother. She makes you, breaks you, moulds you … but with utmost Love and Care.

***

This is from my learning in a nutshell about this topic. Some of these I heard, read and some are entirely my personal opinion from my own experiences. Posting it with the sole intention to help if somebody is in need. Again, I am not an expert in psychology, I am not so called successful in life and I am not a Yogi or a mystic. But I am happy in the Now and would love to see you smile.

Thank you so very much for reading.

🙏🙏 Jai Sri Hari 🙏🙏