Respect is Earned… umm… Why Should It Be?

We have all heard the statement “Respect is earned”. Past few days I have been thinking a lot about it. 

Then I read the quote by Vasyl Sukhomlynsky – “The right to be respected is won by respecting others.” 

This had my head going in circles. Because if we are really honest with ourselves that is not usually how we ourselves operate. When we meet someone, anyone at all, we expect respect from the very get-go. We expect that people are respectful and kind to us, even when we have done nothing to “earn” it, yet. I do want to clarify I am not talking about just sheer social politeness. I am referring to respect, which goes deeper than politeness. If I google the meaning of respect, one definition is “admire someone or something deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities or achievements.” Now, when we meet someone, be it for the first time or the 100th time, almost every individual has a quality or ability or some achievement that should be applauded or respected, BUT we just might not know about it.

In my 39 years of being on this planet, 99.99% of the people that I have met have done something amazing worth respecting. It could have been something little like making an extra chapati for a stray cow that visits someone’s house or something big like giving away your 4 weeks of accumulated paid vacation days to a pregnant woman who has run out of maternity days but is still suffering from PPD and needs a little more break. (off topic-but seriously, allowing to gift away your paid vacation days to others should absolutely be a norm in all organizations).

Now, what would be the impact of respecting someone without them doing something in front of us or for us to “earn” that respect? Since I have been thinking on this topic for sometime, I decided to do an experiment. 

I was recently travelling from Himachal to Bhopal with almost a 7hr layover in Delhi airport. One thing I noticed was these banners in the airport that proudly boasted the fact that Delhi airport has been awarded the cleanest airport (I am assuming in India because if it was in the whole world, that would be mind glowingly FANTASTIC!), 2 yrs running. 

There was a gentleman who was cleaning the floors constantly on the entire airport floor, at least as far as I could see. He had a mop and he continuously went back and forth through the entire floor which I might add was quite long. There was also another guy using a machine to clean the floor, but I was zoned into the guy cleaning it manually. I was sitting on one of those fabulously uncomfortable, interconnected chairs with an immovable armrest that has baffled me for ages-why not just let the armrest be foldable so someone can get some shut-eye. (Probably a post for another time.)When he walked by me with his mop, I did two things, first, I raised my legs so he can move his mop around easily, and second I said “Thank you Bhaiya”. Now I have been watching this guy for a couple of hours and this was the first time he cracked a smile and nodded. And what was even more amazing was that he stopped and gestured to my empty coffee cup on the chair next to mine and asked if he should trash it for me? I was so surprised by it that all I could do was nod my head and thank him again. Such a tremendous response in return for a small “thank you”. I was amazed. (he had walked by me before also and never offered to trash the cup.)

But an experiment to be truly called successful requires more data, although I do believe in this case, this one instance was good enough, at least for me. 🙂 

Now in the women’s bathroom, there was a cleaning lady. I think she was waiting for the stalls to be empty so she may go clean them. Once I was done and had washed my hand, while walking out as I passed her, I said another quick “thank you”. She looked very shocked, so much so that she walked over to me and asked if I needed something. I told her no and just thanked her again and did a “namaste”. The SMILE on her face! Absolutely divine! Now the really interesting part, when I went to the bathroom again (no I don’t have a bladder issue, I was just in the airport for 7 hrs and sitting too close to a coffee shop :P). The cleaning person saw me again, smiled and I kid you not, ran ahead of me into the bathroom stall I was going to use, to check if it was clean. She thought there was some water on the bathroom floor so requested me to wait and cleaned it, right in front of me and then opened the door and requested me to go in. 

At this point, it is safe to say the experiment was a smashing success. Just a small “thank you” and a respectful, meaningful “namaste”. Who knew ! (I am not aversed to the possibility that maybe everybody but ME! :P) So I think now I have empirical data to prove that for us as human beings to not just be polite but to be downright respectful to each and every living thing we come across is in general, a great idea! 💡 And yes, I do believe two instances is enough data for this issue. As we used to say in maths when we were kids, “Hence proved”. 

In the end, what I am trying to say is how great it would be if we don’t expect people to “earn” our respect but instead, we respect everyone UNLESS they give us a reason not to.

-Dedicated to Divine Mother and His lotus feet,

Your Ignorant Fool!