Romantic Relations

For the last few days, anything, if at all, kept me under stress was my internship work. Other than that, I was in constant bliss. I can’t describe the joy and peace I felt after writing my last post. Finally a big deal of weight was lifted off of my chest. I was very calm and composed.

I had tried to make sure that in my last post, I write about everything that I wanted to. I kept adding things to it for two days. Even after publishing my post, I added two more lines to it which were burdensome to me. But today, I realized that I have not written on one more aspect of life which causes burden to my soul. I have not talked about romantic affairs and promiscuity.

What I am going to write on, can seem inappropriate if not downright controversial to people. Take me to be an ignorant fool who sometimes cannot move out of the spirals his mind creates. I feel peace after writing here and so I write. This one thing has been left unsaid…it may be the last major hiccup in my journey to healing. Please bear with me. I want to apologize in advance if I hurt anyone’s sentiments.

When I was in college I had many colleagues and friends who were in romantic relationships. They all seemed to be in love, devoted and loyal when you saw them from a distance. But when I got to know the backstory of each of their relation, it was a different matter altogether. Each one of them had hidden from their partners that they were cheating on them or had cheated on them. All the boys I have known till date who have been in relationship have cheated on their partners.

Besides when you check the stats of percentage of people who do adultery are not less than seventy-eighty percent by the least. The websites which claim this could be wrong. I have no say on that, however, this is truth that relations are transactional and temporary.

I went on to know more people and more back-stories of their relationship. I found in my experience that generally married people are disloyal at least in some point of their married life. Not all are alike but I think, many are. And same in girlfriend-boyfriend relation. I am sorry to write this and I don’t want to provoke any married couple out there. Your partner may be a very devoted and loyal person.

But what happens is that perhaps people get bored of a person they have been with for long, or they start taking them for granted, or they seek spice and adventure in their life, which no relation is able to provide after the honeymoon-phase is over. The fights, the misunderstandings , all make people divert from their dharma which a married or a committed person should follow. 

When I used to read kundlis, I found that so many people had extramarital relation written in their horoscopes. One astrologer went on to say that my partner will be disloyal and my own study told me that perhaps I will too. However I don’t want to believe in that stuff any more. It has scared me for a very long time. I will try my best to follow the righteous path and I have no doubt that Sri Hari is with me. 

I have heard Swamiji himself say( I am not quoting him verbatim) that in today’s day and age of hyper communication it is quite difficult to find that expected level of integrity in a relation. He has told there is no romantic relation where two lovers are eternally entangled in their love or never move out of love for each other. He has also said that there is no person which you can say only belongs to you. That’s unrealistic. People belong to so many people in different shades and colors of life. They share life with different people in different proportions and that is the truth and crux of the matter.

I think wrong expectations from romantic relation and marriage due to romcom and general society’s conditioning has created friction in relationships. People perhaps need to accept that such idealistic behaviors are generally not possible nor are easily present.  And if everyone started blurting their truth out, many dark secrets and fantasies will be unearthed. But people fear or find it useless to make it an open secret and thus the ignorance has been passed from one generation to another.

Also I think there is nothing wrong in anything. There is nothing right or wrong per se. We are all humans. What we are but a bunch of mass, muscle , tissue, a monkey mind and blood full of hormones. And besides, such relations and way of living has been a part and parcel of our culture since Vedic era. That said, I don’t prefer that kind of relation spectrum myself. What should happen is people should be honest to themselves and their partners. People should be clear of what they want and what they can properly execute. Deception and lies should not creep into any relation. 

I touched on this topic of affair and promiscuity here because this has troubled me for quite long. I have wondered and worried about marriage(having seen troubled marriage of my parents- thank God! everything is good between them finally) and the topic of fidelity and infidelity. I even wanted Swamiji to answer that to me when I went to the ashram(what a fool I was!). 

I went on to search for books and media which talked about the same. There is a book by Thich Nhat Hanh on fidelity. I went through portions of it to understand more ways to have integrity in romantic relationships. I went through sites which discussed on the topic because I have no experience of marriage.

What I realized is relationships can be difficult especially the moh maya of romantic relation. Jealousy, possessiveness, miscommunication, misunderstanding, and a mind diverted to other people cannot be said to be seldom present in relationships. And if you truly love someone you let them free. Isn’t it?  

After reading Devi Bhagwatam, I understood that these tales are trying to teach us things on many different levels. I recount the story where Vishnu Bhagwaan was in the forest in objectionable postures with another woman and suddenly Laxmi Maa comes to the scene. On noticing her, Vishnu Bhagwaan fled the place and so did the woman, in fear that Laxmi Maa will find out.

This tale according to my small understanding is telling the raw reality of what really happens sometimes, although, I am no one to comment on Puranas and their meaning. What I have written on the above paras comes purely from my understanding and observation. And as I have told, I didn’t wish to hurt any sentiments. Thank you for reading.