Second Child – From A Mother’s Perspective

Pranam Swamiji. Jai Shri Hari. Hope that you are doing well and taking care of yourself.

Today I am going to write about the experience of our second child – Samil and how this rich experience refined us even further.

The first child is, however, the first child and every parent does love them immensely as they make the couple ‘parents’. They are a kind of ‘First Love’. But hold on, there is more to this. Just when you thought that you could never love something or somebody more than you already do, there comes a baby to flip your definition and scope of love on its head. The little human being changes your world. Babies drive home the point that we have the utmost capacity to love deeply and unconditionally.

Having a second child is a very conscious decision. I am so glad that we took the bold step. We learnt that our heart is limitless in size and love for each child is infinite. In Maths, we learnt infinite divide by any non-zero number also is infinite. But we realized with the second child that infinite love divided by any number of children also can be infinite. Adding a new member to the family does introduce a lot of chaos in everyway disrupting the entire lifestyle. But the second time around, I guess that we were prepared and knew beforehand what was coming, i.e., what to expect when you are expecting! It was unlike the first baby when everything is new and for the first time. Anything new comes with its own set of learnings. Following are some learnings I learnt with Sahil, which armed me nicely to handle Samil.

• I learnt to be strong emotionally and physically ( I attended office till 27th Dec 2022. I applied for Maternity Leave from 28th Dec 2021 and to our utter surprise, Samil was born on 29th Dec!) 
• I learnt the importance of taking care of my own health because you cannot pour from an empty glass.
• I learnt to be patient and handle the situation in a calm state of mind without panicking.
• I learnt to ask for help when needed. At the same time, I learnt to be self-reliant to the maximum possible extent without over-dependency. It is a beautiful contradiction, but you can understand the paradox if you have experienced it.
• I learnt that every kid is unique and it is not justified to compare their developmental milestones with others.
• I learnt to trust my instincts and follow my gut when my child is unwell and not to Google every little symptom, getting goosebumps, fearing the worst.
• I learnt to take things slow and spend quality time with my boys as they grow up in a blink of an eye. Yes, they do grow up lightning fast.
• Most importantly, I learnt that I don’t need to be a perfect mom. I simply should be a mom my boys can rely upon without an iota of hesitation.

Hug them, kiss them and tell them ‘I Love You’ every single day. You can even say how lucky you feel to be their parent and please say it very often. This seems like such a silly little thing. But mind you, for kids, it makes a world of difference to hear their parents express genuine affection for them.

Do I need to be a Super Mom to my sons? No, I would like to be a very real and practical human being for them. Agreed, that it is better said than done. But it should be the way to for a genuine bonding.

To all parents thinking and asking me, is it worth having a second kid? I would like to tell them a big ‘YES’. No doubt that life would be tough, but it is worth the hiccup, worth every struggle put in for the cause. We know that the siblings are there for each other for their entire life if we provide them with proper sanskar.

Please don’t think about loving them equally. It is impossible to quantify ‘love’ in that manner. What you can be sure of is that you will love both of them wholeheartedly for who they are as two unique human beings.

When my elder son was born, it felt like a magical connection got established the moment I held him in my arms. When I did not feel the same intense feeling while holding Samil, I felt guilty about being the worst mother in the world. To be honest, I think it is different with the second child as nothing can ever compare with the first time feeling of you becoming a mother. But Samil, won’t you worry a bit as you have firmly planted yourself in my heart in your own unique way. I can’t imagine my life without you anymore. Love you Samil.

When the time came to drop off my 7-month-old at daycare on day one, it was really strange to watch him handling a rattle that was not ours and to see him being held by a woman whose name I had just learned to pronounce. I felt a twinge acknowledging the transition – the start of this new chapter, the end of the last one. But after one month, I am really happy for both of my sons.

With the arrival of Samil, the worries of a first-time mom faded. Although Samil did not make me a mother (for the first time, of course!), surely he made me a better and a confident one! This is the power of the second child.

Jai Shri Hari…

To be continued…