Setting Boundaries in a Relationship by Neelanjan Om

from my notebook …

Setting boundaries in a relationship is one of the most important things in life. Many cases it automatically happens without being noticed and in many cases it becomes an absolute necessity. In either cases, I feel that everybody should have the knowledge of it and be aware of how to build healthy boundaries in any relationship.

So, is this post.

I found below a while ago in one blog which doesn’t exist anymore. I liked it and wrote in one of my office notebooks. Later I took a photo of it (I am glad that I did because the notebook is gone now) 🙂 . Inspired by Swati Ji here (to share things from our notebooks), I am presenting it as it is:

Checkpoints:

Check your personal engine light
Ground yourself as preparation for building boundaries
Notice the people or places that tend to drain you and the people or places that give you joy

Once you are clear on these, then come to action:

Communicate your thought with one another

Be honest and respectful when you are sharing your feelings and thoughts with you partner. It is totally okay and normal if you need time to gather your thoughts and feelings, but don’t use that approach to avoid the conversation.

Never assume or guess your partner’s feelings

Making assumptions may create a lot of misunderstandings in a relationship. You may feel like you know your partner very well that you feel you are entitled to assume what they want or need without asking them. But it is always your best bet to ask rather than assume.

Follow through on what you say

Setting boundaries and not executing them lets the other person think that they have an excuse to continue to overstep your boundaries. You should not make any exception to your own boundaries without careful considerations because you find yourself compromising things that are not acceptable to you.

Take responsibility of your action

Instead of immediately blaming your partner for the situation or how you are feeling, take a step back and think. Think about the choices you’ve made in the relationship and see if they may have contributed to the situation. Both partners should be doing this.

Know when it is time to move on

You can only share how you desire to be treated in the relationship, and you can’t be responsible for your partner’s feeling or communication. Everyone has the right to be treated with respect and fairness. If your partner can’t respect your boundaries, then it maybe time to say thank you for everything you learned from this relationship and move on.

Setting and establishing healthy boundaries is a skill, and it takes time! Remember, healthy boundaries don’t come easily, but if you trust your instinct, be open, and practise with your partner, the relationship will only get stronger over time …

That’s all I had in my notebook photo.

Ending with a quote: Most probably I read in Ramakrishna Kathamrita (Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna)